I am certain that I will feel and instant bond with my child.

Our youngest child, Sami, celebrated her second birthday this last Saturday. We were watching some of her “Gotcha Day” video and pictures. It reminded me of something that our six-year-old daughter Jintry said on that day. Jintry had been anxiously anticipating the arrival of her baby sister for months. She had big plans and grand ideas of how she and her little sister would play together. We had cautioned Jintry ahead of time that Sami would probably not like any of us for a while and that Sami might cry a lot for the first few weeks after she came home. Jintry and other family members were waiting at our home airport the night that Sami arrived home. We got off of the plane and everyone was so excited to meet Sami. Jintry wanted to hold Sami immediately. When we tried to put Sami in the seat beside Jintry, Sami refused and began to cry. Jintry was devastated and buried her head in her hands. She said sobbing, “Sami doesn’t love me!” We reassured her that Sami did not love any of us and that it would take some time for her to adjust to all of us. This scene was so sad yet so sweet. I will never forget it.

Many adoptive parents may feel the same way that Jintry did when they receive their child. Maren Brose, LCSW, of Dillon International put it this way.

Myth: I am certain I will feel an instant bond with my child.

Truth: When you wait for what seem like an eternity aching to be united with the child you will adopt, it is easy to assume it will be love at first sight. In reality, you need to allow yourself and your child time to get to know each other. Getting to know anyone takes time. Parents are likely to be exhausted at the time of the climactic event of meeting their child. The child’s reactions to being separated from a familiar environment and familiar caretakers may come across as rejection toward the adoptive parents. It is good to keep expectations minimal at this time. It is also normal and healthy for parents to experience some low moods following their child’s placement. Parents may have a new awareness of sadness for the child’s birth parents and for the child’s placement. If the parents expect these reactions, the stressful adjustments upon their child’s homecoming may pass more easily – and they will pass.

I hope that everyone has fun and safe Independence Day celebrations this week!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

When is the right time to tell your child that they were adopted?

When is the right time to tell your child that they were adopted? Have you ever struggled with this question? Are you considering adoption and have you heard a lot of opinions on this topic? Today let’s take a look at another adoption myth that deals with this subject.

Myth: It is better not to give a child the truth about their adoption or their origin until they are much older.

Truth: Most adoptive families today subscribe to the theory that telling a child his or her adoption story early is best for the child and for the family. According to Maren Brose, Adoption Supervisor for Dillon International, “If parents practice telling their child’s adoption story when the child is very young, they can become more comfortable with telling it as their child develops. If parents continue talking openly about their child’s adoption as she grows, it will not strike her as new or shocking. Children sense when there are secrets in the family. A child can also sense when a subject makes her parents feel uncomfortable. If her parents appear to be uncomfortable when a child has questions about her origin, the child may interpret that her parents are embarrassed or ashamed of her adoptive status. If parents are comfortable with issues surrounding adoption, the child will sense that comfort.” It is important for parents to demonstrate pride in their child and in their child’s heritage. Parents can do this by being involved with other adoptive families, attending heritage camps and/or attending other cultural events in their local communities, etc. Providing opportunities for friendships among adoptees from the same birth country can also be very valuable. A child is likely to view her adoption story and her self-image positively if she has friendships with others who share a similar background.

There is no perfect way to tell your child’s story. However, it is very important for us as adoptive parents to be truthful with our children. By answering our child’s questions pertaining to their adoption and birth culture truthfully, we are building a firm foundation for our children that will serve as an anchor when they encounter the challenges of life.

If you are struggling with ideas on how to begin talking with your child about his/her adoption story, here are several good resources:

**LifeBooks : Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child by Beth O'Malley (or visit her website at http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com/) will give you ideas on how to begin creative journaling with your child about their adoption story.

The following books are excellent for beginning the discussion about adoption with a younger child.

**A Blessing from Above by Patti Henderson
**I Wished for You: an Adoption Story by Marianne R Richmond
**A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza

Of course, if you still have questions, please feel free to contact us here at Dillon International. We would be happy to help with additional suggestions and guidance regarding how to talk with your child about how they came to be a part of your family.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

"Isn't there a chance that the child's birth parents will get the child back?"

This week I would like to resume talking about some common adoption myths. Last week I told you about the birth mother workshop that Dillon International will be hosting in July. This reminded me of another common adoption myth that seems to discourage many families from pursuing adoption. Unfortunately, this is one of those topics that can receive a lot of media attention. If it receives negative attention, it makes the problem seem much bigger than it really is.

**MYTH:
"Isn’t there a great chance that the child’s birth parents will get the child back after the adoption?”

REALITY:
In modern adoption, laws have been established that nearly eliminate this possibility. It is practically unheard of in international adoption. In domestic adoption and adoption out of foster care, this possibility can be avoided by obtaining competent legal advice. This kind of counsel will ensure that all legal papers are signed before the child is placed.

**This information is excerpted from Welcome Home: Eight Steps to Adoption, Copyright © 2004, 2005, 2006 FamilyLife. Used with permission. www.HopeforOrphans.org

I hope that you are finding the information on this blog helpful and encouraging. Please feel free to email me if you have questions, concerns, or ideas for future blog topics. I would like to encourage you to take a moment to review the birthmother workshop information that I posted last week. I hope that you can make plans to attend this once in a lifetime event.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com