Hope for Children Blog

Free Adoption Celebration Sunday DVD Pack!

2011-10-24T13:48:00.000-05:00

Adoption is a miraculous event that matches orphan children with loving families. Be a part of this miracle during November, National Adoption Month, by ordering a free Adoption Celebration Sunday DVD Pack that will provide all the resources you need to help your congregation learn more about adoption opportunities and celebrate the miracle of adoption.

Our Adoption Celebration Sunday DVD Pack includes bulletin inserts, video testimonies from adoptive families, PowerPoint worship slides and an adoption devotional guide. You can use it as a guide for worship planning throughout National Adoption Month.
To order this free resource, please fill out the form below.
We will begin mailing them out October 31.

After October 31, all the resources in our Adoption Celebration Sunday DVD Pack will be available for download here!

FREE Conference!

2011-10-07T10:08:00.000-05:00

The 2011 Tapestry Conference will be held on Saturday, October 29^th, at Irving Bible Church.

Registration is now open, and you are invited to join us for this free conference.

With more than twenty breakout sessions to choose from, this year’s Tapestry Conference promises to be the most informative yet. We are also delighted to welcome Jayne Schooler as the general session speaker for the 2011 Tapestry Conference. Jayne is the author of several well-known books for adoptive and foster parents, including The Whole Life Adoption Book, Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child and Wounded Children, Healing Homes.

Online registration is now open. Training certificates will be available for foster and adoptive parents at the conclusion of the conference.

Important Note Regarding Childcare: The response for childcare for the 2011 Tapestry Conference has already been tremendous. Because we are committed to providing the highest quality childcare during the conference, childcare is now FULL for children of all ages. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, and we hope that you will be able to arrange alternative childcare and still be able to join us for the conference.

Register now to join us for what is sure to be a great time of learning and encouragement at the 2011 Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Conference.

Irving Bible Church

Tapestry, is a ministry of Irving Bible Church which is located at 2435 Kinwest Parkway, just south of I-635/LBJ Freeway in Irving, Texas.

The Complexities of International Adoption

2011-09-23T14:17:00.000-05:00

Earlier this week a disturbing article appeared in the NY Times linking some intercountry adoptions from China with possible child trafficking. . . information that no adoptive parent or ethical agency would want to hear. In response to this article, Dr. Jane Aronson, CEO of World Wide Orphans and a member of Joint Council’s Board of Directors, published a thoughtful and insightful perspective in yesterday’s Huffington Post. If you haven’t had an opportunity to read Dr. Aronson’s article, we encourage you to do so. Link Here.

We Knew this day would come, but why is it so hard?

2011-09-02T11:06:00.001-05:00

With school back in full swing for most of us, I wanted to re-post a piece that I wrote several months ago that talks about personal appearance and struggles for acceptance. Many families and children face these challenges on a daily basis. There are ideas and tools available that can help teach children on how best to handle the stress and dilemmas they will encounter. That is why I thought it would be helpful to visit this topic again. Please share your thoughts, ideas or things that have worked for your family.

I had an interesting conversation with my son who was born in China the other night. He is six years old and in Kindergarten. He is old enough now to notice that his face/lip looks different from others and I am sure some kids at school have asked about it. My husband and I knew that this day would come, but I think we were both hoping deep down that it would not. In previous posts, I have mentioned that my son from China was cleft affected. He was born with a bilateral third degree cleft lip and palate. This means that he had a significant cleft lip that extended through both nostrils, gums and continued through his entire palate. As you might imagine, even after a couple of surgeries, he still has some visible scarring and issues with his speech.

The other night, I was putting him to bed when out of the blue he says to me, “I don’t like my face. It looks weird.” I immediately knew what he meant, but I said, “What don’t you like. What looks weird?” He said, “You know, this part right here,” as he pointed to the scars on his upper lip. My heart sank and I wanted to cry. I quickly prayed a silent, “Please help me” prayer. I mean, what do you say? You cannot deny something that is obviously there. Do you say, “Well, I can see what you mean.” You cannot say, “I don’t see anything.” He would just think, “Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

Here is what I did say: “You know that God made you special. He made you with a plan and a purpose.” He asked, “What is it?” I said, “Well, you know the little boy across the street? His baby sister has something similar and now the mommy can ask us questions and talk to us about it because she knows we will understand. That is good that we can help other people.” He agreed that this was good. Then I had another thought. I said, “You know everybody has something that they are not necessarily excited about. You see these wrinkles on my forehead? I don’t really like them either, but do they bother you?” He said, “No.” (I was relieved! I have to be honest; I was not sure what his response to this would be. This could have backfired!) I went on to say, “They don’t bother daddy or anyone else in our family. They do not change who I am and our family cares for me because of who I am, not because of the way I look.” He exclaimed, “Hey, you’re right! This is what I learned about in a Veggie Tales movie and we talked about it at church. God made me special and loves me just the way I am!” (I have a little disclaimer here. We talk about this in our home as well, so why he mentioned Veggie Tales first is beyond me!)

This will obviously be an ongoing dialogue with him to make sure we know how he is doing and how he is processing things. I also want to say here that I did ask his permission to share this story. He is a very sweet boy and he thought it would be OK for me to talk to you about it if it might help some other people. I told him that other kids and families have some of the same feelings and they get sad sometimes too. To my surprise, he was actually surprised by this revelation. Sometimes as a parent, I forget that my children are not processing things on the same level as I am. They do not always realize that there are other kids who have the same feelings as they do.

This issue of looking different, for whatever reason, is something that many adopted children will have to come to terms with. It just made me so sad to hear him say, "I don't like my face...it looks weird." I wished I could somehow make all of this go away. I hope and pray that I did not say the wrong thing. I am not sure that there is necessarily always ‘the right thing’ to say, but I know that there can definitively be the wrong thing to say!

A few days later, I visited with Rebecca Hackworth, LCSW, from Dillon International about the dialogue that I had with my son. I was feeling rather sad and disappointed in myself that I should know how to handle this better. I was hoping that she could offer ideas and encouragement for this difficult subject. Here are some of her thoughts.

“I’ve urged all of my families to re-read certain books after placement as I am confident they will get more help when they are looking these situations in the face while they are reading. That’s when learning is so much more effective! At every developmental stage children process what adoption means for them all over again.

I’m still learning and I’ve been a parent for 25 years of two adopted daughters, and working as a professional for 17 of my 21 years at Dillon – so it is an ever evolving process and a field where new helpful information comes to light every day. I learned some new things today that I thought – oh my, why haven’t we been up on this area with our families before now!
WISE Up, the program we do with kids and parents at Dillon’s heritage camps is often helpful as well.

W-walk away,
I-it’s private information,
S-share a piece of the story,
E-provide a piece of adoption education.

All children are teased for their obvious differentness, sorting out motive is sometimes the issue. Is it racism, is it just because we are different looking in some obvious way, would they tease any child that had this special need? Fun or playful teasing is when everyone is laughing in a genuine way after the teasing, hurtful teasing is when not everyone is laughing afterwards, and ongoing, hurtful teasing is bullying.”

If you are struggling in an area and feel like you could benefit from some counsel, Rebecca Hackworth does offer private adoption counseling services through Dillon International. You can contact her at rebecca@dillonadopt.com or 918.994.7945.

Great reading resource: “Same Lake, Different Boat” by Stephanie O. Hubach. It is a Christ-centered book authored by a mother of a child with Down Syndrome.

What will I do when my child starts school?

2011-08-12T17:00:00.003-05:00

Can you believe it…it is time get kids ready to head back to school? Getting school supplies, shopping for new clothes and paying school fees are all part of the normal drill. Parents of adopted children should be aware and sensitive to their child’s anxiety’s and fears about starting or returning to school. Please feel free to share your thoughts, comments or experiences.

Below is a really great article from Adoptive Families Magazine by Julie Michaels, editor of Adoptive Families’ Growing Up Adopted section, and mother of Lily, adopted internationally.

Tips for Talking about Adoption

1. Don’t wait too long. Kindergarten and first graders (age 5–7) don’t mind their mothers in the classroom and may even be excited by sharing their adoption story. By second grade, children are more self-conscious about differences and less willing to be the center of attention.

2. Don’t make your child’s adoption story the subject of the talk. Read a book or explain adoption in another way as author Amy Klatzkin did (see link below to read more).

3. Be aware that many children this age have never heard of adoption. As one child said to her mother after her turn as “star of the week,”, “Mom, they thought adoption meant I was a doctor!” Cover the basics so that your child doesn’t have to.

4. Tailor your talk for a young audience. Five to seven year olds aren’t sophisticated. Using props—like dolls—is a good idea.

5. Talk to teachers beforehand to get a sense of the class dynamics.

6. Finish with food. Hungry children love a treat, whether it is ethnic food or homemade cookies.

**Reprinted with permission from Adoptive Families Magazine. For more articles like this one, to subscribe, or to sign up for the AF e-newsletter, visit Adoptive Families online, http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/

Here is how one mom shared her adoption story to her daughter’s class. This article also is provided courtesy of Adoption Families Magazine. You can link to it here: “How I Explained Adoption to the First Grade”-Using a favorite doll and a logic children can follow, one mother enlightens her daughter’s curious class. by Amy Klatzkin .

Amy Klatzkin is the editor of A Passage to the Heart: Writings from Families with Children from China and the Adoptive Families 2001 Adoption Guide.

For Additional Adoption and Schools Selected Resources, please see the link for this article athttp://www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/how_I.pdf

I hope everyone had a safe and fun summer. Enjoy what summer you have left and may God bless you and your family as you prepare to head back to school.

Cherri

The Run for the Children is just around the corner...

2011-07-05T15:19:00.001-05:00

The 2011 Run for the Children will be held on Saturday, July 16, 2011, at Mohawk Park, Tulsa, OK. The event will include a 5km run and a 1km fun run/walk with an expected attendance of over 300 participants along with festivities for the whole family. Included in the festivities are a children’s area, play park, splash pad and a drawing for prizes for the runners following the run.

Mohawk Park is a sprawling 2,800-acre park located near Tulsa International Airport and includes the Tulsa Zoo, a reservoir with boating and fishing, riding trails, a golf course and acres of wooded picnic areas. Also within the park is the Oxley Nature Center, which consists of 800-acres of protected land with hiking trails for students of nature. The park entrance is located one half-mile east of North Sheridan on 36th Street North.

Proceeds from this event will provide for Dillon’s programs, as well as medical care and educational opportunities for at-risk children in 10 countries.

Check out these additional run opportunities!

Event Sponsors
Any charitable event cannot truly be a success without local event sponsors. Would your organization like to sponsor Dillon's Run for the Children? Become an event sponsor here.

In-Kind Donations
Would your organization or company like to be recognized at the Run for supporting this event? We are accepting in-kind item donations to be distributed by random drawing to runners after the race. In-Kind Donations here.

Spirit Runners
If you are unable to attend, but would like to support the children benefiting from the run, we welcome your charitable gift(s). Spirit Runners donate here.

Vietnam Camp last weekend!

2011-06-22T21:51:00.003-05:00

Check out this YouTube video highlighting Vietnam Camp last weekend!

Twenty-seven families attended the weekend and forty-four children had fun experiencing their birthland together again.

Honor Dad. Help a child.

2011-06-16T14:26:00.003-05:00

Give Dad a gift that matters this Father's Day. Donate today and honor your father by helping make life better for children all over the world.

Celebrate all that your dad has done for you by giving back. A gift in his honor will help children in need with food, clothing, medical care, and education.

Make sure you note that your gift is for Father's Day and we will make sure your dad knows you were thinking of him. Send us an email if you plan to give with your father's name, email address and how you would like the card signed, and we will send him an e-card.

GIVE TODAY!

Happy Father's Day from Dillon International!

Making Life Better for Orphans, Vulnerable Children, and Families

May Dr. Kim’s legacy live on through all the countless lives he touched...

2011-05-18T17:12:00.002-05:00

It is with a heavy heart that we learned this morning of Dr. Kim, Duk Whang’s recent passing. Dr. Kim was the founder of Eastern Social Welfare Society in Seoul, South Korea, which he founded in 1972. He was 96 years old.

During his life, Dr. Kim served the Ministry of Home Affairs as vice-minister and the Korean Overseas Development Corporation as president. After retiring from public office, he devoted his life to improving Korea’s social welfare services. In recognition of his distinguished services, he was awarded with Donbaek Order of Civil Merit, 5.16 National Order of Merit, and Wubon Volunteer Recognition Award.

Dr. Kim was a faithful Christian, who devoted his life to helping the vulnerable and the socially marginalized, especially children in need. He was one of the first generation historical researchers specializing in Gando and also wrote various articles and books on Korean history, religion and culture.

For 40 years, Dillon International had the privilege and honor to walk along side Dr. Kim and assist in making his vision a reality of helping Korea’s less fortunate. It has been said that “No man stands as tall as when he bends down to help a child.” Dr. Kim stood tall as an intentional leader, a father figure to all of the homeless children Eastern served, a role model and a powerful prayer warrior, especially for the thousands of children whom he prayed over prior to their departure for their new lives in their new adoptive families.

While it is a great loss to let him leave us, we are certain that each of you hold your own special memories of this very remarkable and humble man as we do. We would love for you to leave your special memories about Dr. Kim in the comment section below. Your tribute to this remarkable man would bring much honor to his memory and work.

May Dr. Kim’s legacy live on through all the countless lives he touched before going home to our Heavenly Father. Eastern has set up a special memorial fund in Dr. Kim, Duk Whang’s memory in lieu of flowers. Families and friends who would like to make a contribution to the memorial fund may do so through Dillon International.

Don't Let This Opportunity Wait - Enter the World of Your Child's Heritage!

2011-05-11T21:04:00.000-05:00

Visit Haiti Tour

November 19-26, 2011

Dillon International is pleased to offer the Visit Haiti Tour this year. Come spend the week of Thanksgiving exploring the country of your child’s birth, beautiful Haiti. One adoptee who went on the trip shared, “I feel at home in this country.”

The tour is open to all Haiti adoptive families and adoptees, regardless of placement agency. It is also open to those who simply want to visit Haiti but don’t have an adoption connection. The tour leader is Rebecca Hackworth, LCSW. She is an experienced adoption social worker who has made numerous trips to Haiti including our inaugural Visit Haiti Tour. She also has a personal connection to Haiti, as she has two daughters from there.

The trip will consist of visiting the children in the orphanages, schools and the hospital run by the Foundation for the Children of Haiti, sightseeing in Port-au-Prince, a trip to the mountains, a Haitian dance lesson, wrapping Christmas presents for the children and more!

Adoption search services are available on the trip, if desired. The adoptee may opt to review his or her adoption file, meet caregivers (if possible) and meet birth parents (if possible). The birth search process should be initiated as soon as possible prior to traveling to allow for ample time to research the case.

One previous participant remarked, “It was a very good trip. Thank you for providing our family this opportunity.”

To read more about the trip or to request a registration packet, visit www.dillonadopt.com/tours-haiti.htm. If you have any questions, you may email tours@dillonadopt.com.

Hope you can join us on this trip of a lifetime!

For more information about additional Birthland Tour opportunities offered through Dillon International, please visit: http://www.dillonadopt.com/birthtours.htm

A Little Boy in Urgent Need of a Family...

2011-05-06T11:32:00.000-05:00

A little boy in Dillon International’s Korea Waiting Child Program is in urgent need of a family as he will soon be moved to an institution and no longer be available for adoption.

His foster mother reports that this active, curious 3 year old, born February 2008, loves to take a bath, likes to play outside and enjoys riding the bus. He has a history of low birth weight, pneumothorax, Atrial Septal Defect and he wears glasses. He is able to walk unassisted, understands simple directions, and attempts to communicate his wants and needs through gestures and pointing. He has received occupational and speech therapy in the past but is currently not receiving any services.

He continues to be developmentally delayed and testing indicates a possible metabolic disorder but no concrete diagnosis has been given. In November 2010, he weighed 12.9kg, his height was 89.2cm and his head was 48.8cm. There are some unknowns, however, that interested families will have to be open to for possible undiagnosed delays/diagnoses in all areas. His case number is DI2008-k06. If you are interested in learning more about him, please visit http://www.dillonadopt.com/waiting_child.htm, to complete an online screening form or contact waitingchild@dillonadopt.com with specific questions.

Need a Mother’s Day gift?

2011-05-04T09:51:00.001-05:00

Mother’s Day is only five days away, can you believe it! Time goes by so fast that it is sometimes hard to shop for that perfect Mother’s Day gift. This year give a gift of significant and lasting value by making a donation in her honor to Dillon’s OrphanCare International. A gift like this will never wilt, fade, break or get old.

Why Dillon’s OrphanCare International?

OrphanCare International is the humanitarian aid program of Dillon International which provides funding for services including daily welfare, educational and medical assistance for children in underdeveloped and developing countries.
Your donation will go to the program that you choose and most touches your heart.
You will have the satisfaction of knowing that your gift will be used to help improve the lives of truly vulnerable children and families from around the world.

Are my donations tax deductible?

Yes, all contributions to Dillon’s OrphanCare International are fully tax deductible as allowed by the U.S. government.

What percentage of my donation goes to support OrphanCare's programs?

Over 90% of all donations received are used to support OrphanCare’s programs. Just 8.9% is used in administrative overhead.

How can I donate?

You have several convenient payment options for making a donation to Dillon’s OrphanCare International in honor of your mom this year.
Secure, online credit card donations
Cash, check, or money order
Automatic bank drafts from your checking or savings account

For complete details about Dillon’s OrphanCare International or to make a donation for Mother’s Day, please visit our website at http://www.orphancareintl.org/.

Many Thanks!

The Staff of Dillon International, Inc.

Check out the latest adoption highlights from Dillon International

2011-04-20T19:18:00.005-05:00

Adoption Update...
·        3 children arrived home last week from Korea for a total of 8 children so far in 2011.
·        2 children arrived home last week from India. We expect a total of 6 children home from India by the middle of May!
·        2 adoptions were finalized in Russia last week and 11 children have arrived home from Russia so far in 2011
·        6 families are traveling and/or in country to receive their children this week!
·        9 families are in process now to adopt from Honduras
·        We have 4 families in process to adopt from our new pilot program in Ghana now!

Run for the Children Returns! Scheduled for July 16th

2011-04-15T14:00:00.002-05:00

The 2011 Run for the Children will be held on Saturday, July 16, 2011, at Mohawk Park. The event will include a 5km run and a 1km fun run/walk with an expected attendance of over 300 participants along with festivities for the whole family. Included in the festivities are a children’s area, play park, splash pad and a drawing for prizes for the runners following the run.

Proceeds from this event will provide for Dillon’s programs, as well as medical care and educational opportunities for at-risk children in 10 countries.

Check out these additional run opportunities!

Spirit Runners
If you are unable to attend, but would like to support the children benefiting from the run, we welcome your charitable gift(s). Spirit Runners donate here.

Just 2 days left...Early Bird Discount!

2011-04-13T12:10:00.004-05:00

Dillon International has built a solid reputation in the international adoption community on providing top-quality heritage camps for adoptees and their families.

Take advantage of Dillon’s early bird discount. Camp applications must be postmarked on or before April 15^th to receive a $30 discount from the total enrollment fees. Multi-child discount also included.

Link to China Camper Application: http://www.dillonadopt.com/PDFs/Camps/China/China%20Camp%20Application.pdf

Link to India Camper Application: http://www.dillonadopt.com/PDFs/Camps/India/India%20Camp%20Application.pdf

Link to Korea Camper Application: http://www.dillonadopt.com/PDFs/Camps/Korea/Korea%20Camp%20Application.pdf

One of the unique features about Dillon International has always been our commitment to adoptees to provide new growth opportunities for learning about their birth heritage through our annual heritage camps. Our experience over the years has taught us that adoptees who have a greater awareness and appreciation of their dual heritage grow up to be more well-rounded adults and better equipped to succeed in life. Our track record of adult adoptees who return each year to invest their time and talent with our heritage camps speaks for itself.

We hope you and your child will also benefit from this important developmental step in an adoptee's life.

Korean Children's Day

2011-04-11T17:19:00.000-05:00

Celebrate Thanksgiving in a unique way this year!

2011-04-11T11:45:00.002-05:00

Families will have an opportunity to celebrate Thanksgiving in a unique way this year by giving thanks for their blessings from God and sharing those gifts with others on Dillon International’s Sharing Heart Mission Trip, slated for November 19-26.

Participants will journey to South Korea and engage in a variety of service projects to bless the women, children and senior citizens served by the programs of Eastern Social Welfare Society (ESWS), Dillon’s sister agency in Seoul. Examples of planned activities include:

Delivering lunch to senior citizens and teaching English to after-school children served by the Sodaemun Community Center
Doing laundry at Anyang Child Welfare Center, a temporary care program for children
Making meals for pregnant women at Esther’s Home and Sharon’s Home, the shelters for unwed mothers
Teaching American songs to the preschoolers at Jacob’s Home, an orphanage for children age 6 years and under
Feeding disabled children at the Eastern Rehabilitation Institute, a facility for abandoned children
Holding infants at the Eastern Babies’ Home

The trip is open to any adoptee or adoptive family, regardless of placement agency. Those who simply desire to serve in Korea, but have no adoption connection, are welcome to participate as well.

“The mission trip is such a worthwhile project,” said Kim Lively, an adoptive mother who participated in an earlier service trip to Korea. “Eastern Social Welfare Society really reaches into the community they serve.” After witnessing the needs of the children firsthand, Lively’s family has sponsored children under the care of ESWS through Dillon International’s child sponsorship program there. “I was moved by the spirit and energy that these children (at the Anyang facility) possessed in spite of their uncertain fate,” she recalled. “They had such bright smiles. They probably gave us more joy than we gave them.”

The Sharing Heart Mission Trip will be mainly focused on service work; however, there will also be opportunities for sightseeing and cultural experiences. Korean adoptees and their families may also request to have access to information related to their adoption. For more information or to request a tour brochure or packet, families may visit the Dillon website or email tours@dillonadopt.com.

Check out this Adoption Conference coming in April to the St. Louis area!

2011-03-16T11:46:00.002-05:00

One of Dillon International’s social workers will be a guest speaker at the Open Arms Ministry

Defending the Fatherless Adoption, Foster and Orphan Care Conference.

Margie Wasielewski, MSW, is a licensed clinical social worker who has worked in the field of domestic and international adoption since 1990. Margie has served as Dillon International's Director of Missouri Adoptions since 1997. She feels privileged to help build families through her work with the agency along with fulfilling the agency’s mission of providing a lifelong commitment to adoptees numerous annual fellowship and heritage events, educational workshops, support groups, and moms’ coffee chats.

Margie will be speaking about special needs adoption at this conference. Come and learn more about the myths and realities of "special needs" and waiting child adoptions, and the questions to ask yourself if you are considering this path to building your family. "Special needs adoptions" can be a frightening concept for most people who are beginning to explore their adoption options. However, there exists no single definition or way to quantify "special needs." Each child waiting for a home is unique and special in his/her own way and sometimes one family may be more comfortable with one child's situation than another. A child may become a waiting child or "special needs" due to various factors including medical needs, developmental and/or emotional delays, being an older child or part of a sibling group. These factors may range from mild to severe depending upon the individual circumstances.

Make plans now to come and hear Margie at this free conference!

Here are more details about this conference:

The Open Arms Ministry-Defending the Fatherless

Adoption, Foster and Orphan Care Conference.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Calvary Church – Mid Rivers Campus

St. Peters, MO

Free and Open to the Public
You do not need to attend or be a member of Calvary Church.
You do not need to be an adoptive or foster parent.
Child care available (Please see their website for full details about this service)

For complete details about this conference, please visit their website: http://www.defendingthefatherless.com/

Check out these Events!

2011-02-15T16:21:00.001-06:00

Now that spring is HOPEFULLY around the corner, here are a couple events for you to check out.

Texas Travel the World at the 2011 HERITAGE DAY!
Saturday, March 5, 12pm – 4pm

Welcome & special music by adoptive mom, Karen Miller, and by the Ethiopian Praise Choir from the Ethiopian Christian Fellowship Church 1:00 - 2:45 pm Family groups depart to visit countries around the world: Russia, China, Vietnam, South Korea, & Ethiopia 3:00 - 4:00 pm Finale of Global Entertainment 4:00 pm Closing & Farewell.

This event will take place at
Tallowood Baptist Church, 555 Tallowood Drive, Houston, TX 77024

Registration and payment is due by Friday, February 18, 2011, (only a few days away, so hurry!)

$10 per adult, $5 per child, maximum of $30 per family

To register, please contact:
BUCKNER INTERNATIONAL, ATTN: ZACK PARRISH, 3100 S. GESSNER, SUITE 109, HOUSTON, TX 77063 214-758-8000 1-800-442-4800 (toll free) e-mail: zparrish@buckner.org

Dillon’s International Adoption Seminars:

Why are these seminars so important?

Dillon's International Adoption Seminar is a comprehensive seminar addressing the needs and adjustments of newly adopted children and their adoptive families. Each seminar accounts for six (6) certified Hague Adoption Education hours of pre-adoption education for adoptive families in process.

Dillon International staff will present information and answer questions concerning the care of children who will be joining the family through international adoption. Participants will explore topics including attachment, grief and loss, the impact of institutionalization on child development, becoming a multiracial family, keeping children connected to their heritage and talking to their child about adoption.

You will also have the opportunity to hear from other adoptive families who will share their personal adoption stories.

Fees:
$145/married couple
$110/single applicant

For Dillon Families:
$120/married Couple
$85/ single Applicant
(Fees cover the live presentation, lunch and adoption-related articles and information.) **Please note that workshop facilities do NOT provide for childcare.

To register for the class and/or to pay the fee to attend, please go to this website: www.dillonadopt.com/IAS.htm

Spring Seminar Dates and Locations – Click here to register and view complete details.

February 26, 2011 - Prairie Village, KS
March 11, 2011 - Tulsa, OK
April 2, 2011 - Dallas, TX
May 21, 2011 - Tulsa, OK

What is it like to raise a black or bi-racial child?

2011-01-27T16:20:00.005-06:00

Recently Anyra R. Cano from the Buckner/Dillon International-Texas office shared a valuable video link with other Dillon staff members.

This is such an important topic that we decided to share the link with you.

This video is a documentary about adoptive parents who are raising black or bi-racial children, the questions they have had to answer before adopting and how they face racial issues. http://vimeo.com/13881342

The families were very honest and candid about the process for the video. I hope you will make the time to watch it. It is about 15 minutes long...but well worth it!

Cherri

Tax Credit or Refund – Which will it be?

2011-01-14T16:53:00.003-06:00

Why would anyone look forward to filing their taxes? The only people who may actually look forward to this grand event are those who may be getting a refund. Thankfully, due to the hard work of several adoption advocacy groups, many adoptive parents can look forward to an adoption tax refund and not just a credit this year.

Throughout last year, I read several articles and debates about just exactly how this will work for families. The whole thing can be a bit confusing so here are some articles and links to articles that may help provide you with more info on this topic.

Disclaimer: This article is not meant to provide tax advice on the new adoption tax credit/refund. Therefore, make sure you check with someone who is an expert in this area like a credible CPA.

******
Adoption Tax Credit Victory
Now a credit and a refund
March 01, 2010 / Martha Osborne
http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=701

“With the signing of the new health care bill, adoptive parents received some very welcome news. Not only will the adoption tax credit be extended until December 2011, but it has also been increased from $12,170 to $13,170 for adoptions occurring after January 2010. And for the first time, the credit will now be refundable. Families may receive a refund for documented expenses for the adoption of their child.

What this mean to adoptive families:
The best news: This new tax law means that adoptive parents may apply up to $13,170 of their adoption expenses toward their taxes owed, thereby decreasing the amount owed overall by this amount. However, the news gets even better. For the first time, families may be getting cash back from the IRS for their adoption expenses. That's right, the credit may now be taken as a refund for the first time. In the event that the couple owes less than the tax credit amount stated, they may receive some or all of the balance as a refund on their Federal taxes.

The tax credit is important to both international and domestic adoptive families, but it's greatest beneficiaries are the children who will now have permanent families thanks to adoption being more affordable. Many groups and individuals have successfully lobbied to help extend this tax credit beyond its original expiration date of December 2010, and are still seeking to make the tax credit permanent. As we celebrate the extension of the deadline to December 2011, we must also remain vigilant in seeking to make this legislation a lasting gift to the children who wait.”

******
Seven minute video that has the adoption tax credit and refund information in a “nut shell”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQryETwRziA&feature=youtu.be&a
Thanks to Martha Osborn of Rainbow Kids for the link to this video!

There is a lot of tax info in this January Newsletter from a credible CPA:
http://www.heisercpa.com/newsletter.php

IRS website article that deals specifically with the Adoption Tax Refund: http://www.irs.gov/individuals/article/0,,id=231663,00.html

Tax Articles on About.com:
http://taxes.about.com/b/2010/10/04/enhanced-adoption-credit-for-2010.htm

http://taxes.about.com/od/deductionscredits/qt/adoptioncredit.htm

http://taxes.about.com/od/taxglossary/g/refundable-tax-credits.htm

I hope this information is helpful to you. I wish you all the best!

Cherri

What can you give the person who has everything?

2010-12-17T15:56:00.008-06:00

A gift to someone who has nothing.

Can you believe that it is only a week until Christmas!

This year give a gift . . .
to someone who may have never received one.

Honor your loved one this holiday season with a gift to benefit an orphaned child, a family in need or one of the humanitarian programs Dillon International supports. Your loved one will receive a card notifying them of your gift and a brochure detailing Dillon International's program. The card can also be sent directly to you for giving.

Dillon International provides humanitarian aid in 10 countries. Your help will provide food, education, medical care and many other services to children and families around the globe.

“The programs with the greatest needs are:

India - we are now helping many more children

Korea - donations are down this year yet the children’s needs continue to be the same.

Help with general operating expenses is also greatly needed!! To be able to continue offering the high quality of service to children and families, we need to bring in additional operating support to make it all happen.” Tonnie Dosser, Development, Dillon International, Inc.

With your help, we can continue to help meet needs like these:

India

Dillon International has provided support to the Indian Society for Rehabilitation of Children in Kolkata for 25 years. Through the ISRC’s “Innocent Smile Program,” Dillon is dedicated to providing quality medical treatment and daily care of children with special needs between the ages of three months and nine years. These children are available for adoption, but due to the nature of their health issues will most likely not be adopted.

Now Dillon has the opportunity to expand our work into new regions of India. Our goal is to help other orphanages become licensed for international adoption. This means there will be additional older children and children with special needs waiting to be adopted and who need our help to become adopted.

Donations to cover these children’s daily needs and continued medical care are greatly needed in 2011. No donation is too small to make a difference!

South Korea

Jacob's Home - This orphanage is set up to care for approximately 50 children under 6 years old whose parents are unable to care for them but have not relinquished their parental rights. Your donation of $35/month can assist in caring for these children in Eastern’s care throughout 2011.

Eastern’s unwed mothers’ homes provide a supportive environment for expecting mothers while teaching them about parenting, offering job training, and counseling. Some of the young women will decide to parent their child while others will choose an adoption plan. All will leave with the ability to support themselves. For $30/month, you can help cover a young woman’s trade school expenses to become a nail artist or coffee barista while restoring her self-esteem.

General Operations

Dillon International is known for our professional, quality care that we provide families during the adoption process and after their child arrives home. We mean what we say when we state that “we make a commitment to each adoptee & family for the life of each child.” To maintain this kind of quality of service that families have come to expect takes a professional staff and development of programs and services along with the facilities and technology to serve each family and adoptee. Adoption fees only partially cover these operational expenses. By supporting Dillon’s work, you are ensuring that Dillon’s quality work will continue helping children to have a better life.

These are just a few of the many needs that Dillon International is trying to help meet. Learn more about Dillon International's adoption programs and humanitarian aid by clicking the links or you can see our latest orphanCARE brochure here.

Three More Advocacy Tips

2010-12-03T14:03:00.001-06:00

I hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful Christmas season!

Over the last few weeks we’ve been looking at some tips how to be your child’s best advocate. So far we’ve discussed: Polite, Patient, Persistent, Investigate, Inquire and Insist. Here are three more tips that may be helpful for you.

Document – Write everything down! I like to keep all of my kid’s info in a three ring notebook with dividers and paper. This way everything is in one place. When you make phone calls or email people here is a short list of items you may want to keep track of.

1. Get the names of everyone you talk to, especially those who are directly involved with your case. Jot down not only their name, but also their title and/or credentials.

2. Make sure to get all of their contact information such as: phone number, extension number (if available), email address, work hours, etc.

3. Keep careful notes of what you said/asked and their responses. It may be a good idea to repeat a summary of what you just talked about back to them to make sure everybody’s on the same page. I try to send them a follow up email whenever I can with a summary of the dialog for their review. This way they have a chance to change something if need be.

4. Keep several copies of your child’s legal and insurance information such as: your child’s birth certificate, Social Security Number, Insurance information and policy numbers. Some organizations will only accept a certified copy of the birth certificate from your state, but most places just want to see a copy. It would be a good idea to check this out ahead of time since a lot of people do not have a state certified copy of their child’s birth certificate readily available.

5. Since identity theft is so prevalent these days, it would be wise to only give out/list on applications, you child’s Social Security Number on a need-to-know basis. Stop and think about why do they really need to know your child’s SSN? Sometimes there is no way around it, but in many cases this information is requested on an application and they do not use it for any reason at all. Does the dentist, eye doctor or even doctor really need the SSN? Unless it is somehow attached to insurance information or state programs, they probably really do not need it.

6. Keep an extra copy of the insurance card so you can just give it to providers, if needed. For example: Our children regularly visit my parents who live a couple of hours away. I gave copies of our family’s insurance card and information to them. As luck would have it, my parents have had to use this information several times since some of my kids seem to enjoy ‘visiting’ the folks at Urgent Care! This has saved us a lot of hassle since the local Urgent Care in my parents hometown had all the info they needed to treat my children when they were ill.

Do – Make sure you follow up and do whatever you agreed to do! Make yourself a 1, 2, 3 checklist with a log to document names, numbers, dates the request was made, etc. Sometimes this information needs to be exchanged very quickly, so if you have all the info with you, you will not have to scramble to get the info.

For example:

1. Call the dentist (Dr. A) and have them send me the paperwork that allows them to release my child’s records to other doctors, dentist (Dr. B), etc. Most facilities call this a “Medical Release Form” or some other type of “Release of Records Request”.

2. Fill out, SIGN it and send it back to Dr. A.

3. Give Dr. A time to get the request form (a few days if time allows)

4. Call Dr. A.’s office and ask them to send the records I requested to Dr. B. (document staff names and their role in the office to make sure I have talked with the appropriate person)

5. Follow up phone call with Dr. B to make sure they have received the information they needed.

Determined – Never give up! You may sometimes feel like you are making a nuisance of yourself and maybe you are. However, you are doing this for your child! They are more important than what other people think about you! If you have not already come to this conclusion, you now have permission to not always care what other people think about you. You have to keep in mind what your goal is and keep working to make it happen. Do not give up! Seek out others’ help if you need it. If you are feeling discouraged and defeated, you may want to seek assistance from a friend or family member who is more forward and outspoken than you are. They don’t have to fight your battles or even get involved, but they may be able to help give you some coaching and encouragement. Sometimes it is a good idea to consult with someone who is not emotionally involved in the situation to help give you a more balanced perspective on things.

If you believe strongly that something needs to be done or changed on your child’s behalf, please do not let anyone make you feel like you are asking too much or causing an inconvenience. You may be causing an inconvenience…but that is just part of it and your child is well worth every bit of it!

Getting proper rest will also help with this. Being exhausted and grouchy is usually counter-productive when you have to stay focused and determined. You may have to let something go in order to get enough sleep, but you just have to keep in mind what your core priorities are and stick to that.

I hope that some of these tips will help you or someone you know. Again, please share your stories of how you have had to advocate for your child (or other family member). What have you learned that may help someone else?

Cherri

Three I’s of Advocacy

2010-11-18T13:21:00.001-06:00

This week we will continue with a series on how to be your child’s best advocate. Here are three I’s of Advocacy.

Investigate – Do research (internet or otherwise) to find out as much as you can about whatever topic you are dealing with. If your child has a medical, emotional or behavioral diagnosis, then become very educated about it. If you are dealing with a state health program or some other form of a government program, then research that. Many times the manuals for government programs can be found online with a little bit of digging. Take detailed notes or print out the pages that pertain to your child’s situation or case. Keep all of this information in one safe place where you can access it easily if you need to. Here is why: Because of the state of the economy (both state and national) over the last few years, there can be a fairly high turnover rate for employees whose job it is to review cases and make determinations, which means that some details about your child’s case might be over looked (i.e. lack of experience in this field). There have been several times that I have had to utilize this information to help petition my child’s case. I have had to pull from their own program manual and site article numbers from that manual back to them and politely point out that they missed considering this in the review. This can make all the difference in the world on whether you child may qualify for services or not. I understand that this may seem like a lot of work, and sometimes it is! But you just simply have to keep on top of things if you want to see results. It’s like I said in a previous article on this subject, “Be patiently persistent and trust but verify EVERYTHING.”

Inquire - Ask questions. Do not be afraid to ask questions and sometimes ask a lot of questions! I was taught that there are no stupid questions just stupid answers, so that is always how I have approached life. You will never get any answers unless you ask the questions. Do not feel ashamed if you do not understand the terminology that is being used by the professionals you are dealing with whether it is medical, psychological, or financial. Sometimes professionals overlook that the average person, who is unfamiliar with their field of expertise, has no clue what the professional is talking about or explaining. Ask the professional to explain his/her counsel to you in layman’s terms and to write down specific terms they are using on a piece of paper for you so that you can go home and look them up later. Keep well written notes and documentation of every meeting, phone call and/or communication of any kind. I will go more into this type of organization in a future article.

Insist –You may remember from the advocacy article I posted a few weeks ago, I mentioned the idiom “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” I said, “Always try ‘honey’ first, you may be forced to go with ‘vinegar’ down the road, but we’ll discuss that later.” Well later is now! While the first and always best approach when dealing with anyone from professionals to state/government employees, etc. is to use “honey”, there may be a time when you have to pull out a little bit of “vinegar.” Please understand that I am not advocating some sort of blasting of people, civil unrest, use of profanity or anything of that nature. However, there may be times that you must be firm and stand your ground and insist that a matter be taken care of promptly and properly. This can be very uncomfortable for some people, especially those who do not like conflict. This also may mean that you have to go up the chain of command in order to get results. For example, a friend of mine had a baby. Their family was covered by X insurance, which had promised to pay for all of her pre-natal care. After the baby was born, the doctor’s office continued to bill her for payment of services. She continued to contest that X insurance company was supposed to pay for the pre-natal care she had received from the doctor. This went on for several months and she finally called the insurance company which gave her the run around as to why they weren’t going to pay for the pre-natal care. A few more months went by with back and forth between the doctor’s office and the insurance company. She finally said one day, “Well, I guess I’ll just pay them. We can’t afford it and the insurance company told us that they would pay, but I am tired of getting phone calls and letters demanding payment.” I suggested that she contact the insurance commissioner for our state in writing and on the phone to explain what was going on. Miraculously two weeks after she contacted the insurance commissioner, she received a very apologetic letter from the insurance company stating that it was all a big misunderstanding and they were going to pay the doctor 100 percent of the bill! Don’t let anyone bully you or make you feel like an idiot. Sometimes it pays to be a little bit insistent!

Please share your stories of how you have learned to advocate for your children. You probably have as many tips and suggestions as I do.

Have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving enjoying family and friends!

Cherri

Are You up to the Challenge? National Adoption Awareness Month Challenges

2010-11-06T11:39:00.003-05:00

Joint Council on International Children's Services is a membership-based advocacy organization which advocates for every child's right to a safe, permanent, and loving family. Joint Council members include world renowned child advocacy organizations, orphan care organizations, adoption service providers, parent support groups, medical clinics, and professional service providers. Joint Council began its work thirty years ago as a grassroots professional organization that provided a forum for child welfare experts to share and exchange information, ideas, and their visions of Intercountry adoption and child welfare. Dillon International is a charter member of JCICS.

30-Day Challenge: The Basics
http://betheanswerforchildren.wordpress.com/

Everyday in November, as part of Joint Council’s National Adoption Month advocacy we’re asking you to take the 30-day Challenge to help improve the lives of children around the world.

Everyday will include three parts:

1) A story of a child who was lucky enough to find a family through adoption and is thriving to this day.

2) A story of a child who wasn’t/isn’t so lucky.

3) A task that everyone can do to help kids living outside family care. These tasks will take 5 – 15 minutes of your day and may include educating yourself and others about the needs of children, targeted asks to Members of Congress, or simply watching a video.

Stories and tasks will be posted on our blog everyday, as well as, throughout Joint Council’s social media forums, including Facebook, YouTube (if it’s a video) and Twitter. We encourage you to participate in the advocacy by letting your friends and family know about the effort through these social media outlets. Will you take the 30-day Challenge? If so, let us know by leaving the comment, “I Am The Answer.”

Will you take the 30 day challenge?
http://betheanswerforchildren.wordpress.com/

Stories and Task By Each Day:

November 1st 2010- Read about Mbali & Daniel and Chantelle then learn about HIV and Adoption

November 2nd 2010- Read about Nikolas and Shelby and post the below message on the president of Kyrgyzstan, Roza Otunbayeva, facebook page (found here):

“Please advocate for the 65 Kyrgyz children waiting to be adopted by U.S families. To learn more about one of these children read this story.” Then Be sure that you link to Nikolas and Shelby’s Blog Post on the President’s Wall!

November 3rd , 2010- Read the Stories of Jason and Minuette Mae- One Child survived the US Foster care system and found a forever family while the other did not. Once you’ve read their stories visit www.beonetoo.org and watch the “I am One Video” found on the homepage.

November 4th, 2010- Some children are true miracles. Today, read about Song, who is blind, and George who has no arms. Find out about their journey to a forever family. Then Be The Answer by spreading the word about the challenge and Joint Councils work! Find our facebook page by clicking here , “like” our page and refer our page to 5 of your friends

Be watching this blog next week because two stories submitted by Dillon International will be featured. The two titles to look for are:

Miracle of Boots by Jynger Roberts and The Perfect Plan by Tonnie Dosser

Also, this is a reminder that this Sunday, November 7, 2010 is Orphan Sunday. You can check for events in your area through this Orphan Sunday EVENTS link. Are you participating in an event? If so, please share…

Cherri

2010-11-04T18:09:00.001-05:00

Creation Groans from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

2010-11-04T18:07:00.001-05:00

Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

2010-11-04T18:06:00.001-05:00

Hope is Fading – Orphan Sunday from Allan Rosenow on Vimeo.

Do You have a Memorial Pumpkin?

2010-10-25T11:00:00.002-05:00

Why do we cry even when a loved one’s death is not unexpected? This last week, my 91-year-old grandmother passed away. We have witnessed her gradual decline for the past few years. In the last few months, she seemed to be become more and more frail. Thankfully, she was still in her right mind and she passed away peacefully in her sleep. She lived a very blessed and full life and she was ready to meet Jesus. Even with the absence of drama surrounding her passing, we all still cried.

This experience has made me realize a few things about pain, death, loss and grief. It has been a very long time since I have lost a grandparent or anyone close to me to death. I have not had to personally go through a grieving process for about fifteen or more years. Since I am an adoptive parent this time around, I am seeing this experience through a completely different lens. I am really trying to allow myself to fully examine and experience my feelings of loss and grief.

What about her death makes me sad? Will I miss her stories about our family history and heritage? Will I miss her laugh, her cooking, her sewing, her creative frugality, her hands…just what is it? Or is it that I realize that since she is now gone that this is the end of an era? A huge piece to our family history is now gone. The truth is that it is all of these things and more.

As an adoptive parent, this has given me a unique opportunity to tap into these emotions and try to relate to my adoptive children on a much deeper level. I won’t even pretend that I will ever experience the level of deep grief and loss that they feel or will feel in the future. However, how can I harness the timing and emotions of this event to draw closer to them and show them that grieving is OK? A few thoughts came to mind as I was pondering this very thing. Maybe some of these will help you also.

ACKNOWLEDGE IT – Do not try to hide the fact that you are sad and that you are hurting. Sometimes we don’t want to cry in front of our children because we do not want to upset them. The fact is that they are probably upset already and seeing a parent cry, may actually be a relief. They won’t feel like they are all alone or feel wrong for crying.

EMBRACE IT – Actually embrace the loss and grief and allow yourself the chance to go to the painful places and even stay there awhile. Allow yourself and your children time to honestly explore why there is pain and the things that you will all miss. Pain is not always bad. In fact, it is such an important part of life that I am sometimes puzzled why we run from it and avoid it like the plague. It is OK to be sad, cry, grieve, and miss someone that you’ve loved.

LEARN FROM IT – Please try to see this as an amazing opportunity to draw closer to your family and particularly your adopted children during this time. It is also time to help you develop a little perspective on why their experience of grief and loss can be so intense. I had a revelation that hit me like a ton of bricks. While I will miss the things I know about my grandma, my adoptive children will not only miss their great-grandma, but they could also possibly experience a ‘double grief’ if you will.

There are a lot of things that I will miss about Grandma like her laugh, the color and look of her eyes, her cooking, her personality, her creativity, her amazing stories and so on. I will miss these things because I knew and experienced them. What about my adoptive children? They may miss some of these things about Great-grandma, but will they also grieve what they may never know about their birth family? “Do I have Grandpa’s laugh? Do I have eyes like my birth mother or birth father? Do I have a personality like my grandma?”

Do you see what I mean? I wonder which is worse….the pain of knowing, loving and then loosing or never knowing and experiencing at all? I am not looking for anyone to give me an answer here, but I wonder about it. What do you think?

We took our children to the pumpkin patch the same day that we received the news of Grandma’s passing. You may think that it was pretty ‘cold’ or disrespectful for us to go out and have some family fun shortly after hearing such sad news. We did it for a couple of reasons. First, we had promised the kids over a week before that we would go on this day. Second, Grandma would have wanted us to. She would have been pretty upset with us if we did not keep our promise to the kids. We had a wonderful day of family fun and the kids picked out a pumpkin for Grandma. Our kids said, “We want to get this pumpkin in honor of Grandma P.” It was pretty sweet to watch them try to find one that they thought ‘looked’ like her. So that is why we now have a memorial pumpkin!

So what about you? Will you optimize times of grief and loss to grow emotionally closer with your adoptive children? Are you willing to allow them to have a ‘memorial pumpkin’ so to speak…something tangible to honor what they have lost, no matter how ‘silly’ it may seem to you?

Cherri

3 Keys to Successful Advocacy

2010-10-14T16:43:00.001-05:00

I have been doing a fair amount of advocating for some of our children over the last few weeks. It started me thinking about all of the details and steps that I take to wade through all the red tape, make contact with the right people and follow the proper channels. Sometime in the recent past, I had a huge revelation…not everyone is like me! While I am sure this goes without saying, the point I want to make here is that not everyone likes to go toe to toe with an adversary (or perceived adversary). A lot of people would rather avoid locking horns with authority figures. Some people just do not like confrontation, while others (like me) sort of live for it!

Now before anyone gets the wrong idea here, I am not going to suggest some sort of civil unrest activity, law breaking or authority figure bashing…nothing like that. This topic is just something that I have been dealing with lately and I wondered if other families might benefit from what I have learned…sometimes the hard way. Some of these tips might be a ‘no brainer’ for you, but if by chance you are under a lot of stress and forgetful…here are some gentle reminders.

First let’s start with the three P’s - Polite, Patient and Persistent.

Polite – Grandma always said that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar…even though it is sort of a gross idiom, it does make the point. I have learned that a little bit of appreciation and gratitude can go a long way. Some of the people that you may be dealing with are overworked and underpaid…or at least feel like they are which often makes them grouchy. Some of these folks also work with other families that express a huge sense of entitlement…meaning they have “the world owes me” kind of attitude. Sometimes a simple ‘Thank You for all of your hard work on behalf of our family’, may be the only positive thing they have heard in months at this job.

Always try ‘honey’ first, you may be forced to go with ‘vinegar’ down the road, but we’ll discuss that later.

Patient – Give people the appropriate amount of time to respond to your request. Unless you have an extremely urgent matter, cut them some slack. I try to make a practice of giving people plenty of notice as often as I can, so that I am not always bombarding them with urgent requests all over the place. If you try to follow this practice you will hopefully avoid “the boy who cried wolf” syndrome. Then if you do have an urgent request come up, they will hopefully respond quickly.

Persistent – While this may seem to be a direct contradiction to the previous tip. I like to call it “Patiently Persistent.” This is where you have to balance allowing them the time they need versus following up to make sure they are doing whatever needs to be done. This means that you keep on top of things, checking in to see what progress is being made, follow up phone calls, follow up emails, etc. Do not assume anything or take anything for granted. A nice way of putting it would be, “Trust but Verify” EVERYTHING.

I have a few more thoughts on this subject but I will save those for the next post. Until then...Happy Fall!!

Cherri

What is the Risk of Loving?

2010-09-29T16:15:00.003-05:00

This week the movie, “Like Dandelion Dust” came out in selected theaters. The movie is based on a novel by Karen Kingsbury, a well-known writer of inspirational fiction.

Until last night, I had only heard just a few little snippets about the movie mentioned on K-LOVE radio. I missed the interview with the author and lead actress that was aired earlier in the week, so all I had to go on was the positive comments mentioned by the DJs on the radio. Several times I heard them mention it and make kind of a big deal about how great this movie is. Well, since the movie contains an adoption theme, naturally I was very interested. Last night I had a few minutes to kill so I checked out the movie trailer.

Man, was I ever shocked! My very first thought was, “Great…this is all the adoption community needs to see is another portrayal of an adoption situation gone bad! This will only reinforce fears that so many people have about adoption…the fear that the biological family can come back into the child’s life and try to regain custody. Are you kidding me!?”

Then I read some reviews of the movie and I also listened to the K-LOVE podcast interview with Karen Kingsbury. While I am still not too sure what to think of the movie, (and I really cannot make any judgment anyway since I have not seen it), it was encouraging to hear the author’s heart and thought process for writing the book that is now a movie. She is an adoptive parent herself of several children from Haiti. The one thing that I took away from the interview was her comment that when we choose to love, there is always a risk involved. There is always a risk, no matter what type of relationship…whether it is a parent-child relationship, romantic relationship, adoption-related relationship, whatever…we are never guaranteed anything…there is always a risk that something bad might happen and we will be left heart-broken and grieving. From this vantage point, the author’s hope is that viewers will come away from this movie with a deeper appreciation of their personal relationships and make the most of the time that is given to them.

What do you think?
Have you seen the movie? Please share your thoughts and feelings about it.
If you have not seen the movie, do you think that you will try to see it? Why or Why not?
Do you think the saying, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” is true?
Do you think people should avoid painful or potentially painful situations, or learn to embrace them?

Make the most of every moment with the people you love,
Cherri

Fall Family Fun and Fellowship

2010-09-14T16:26:00.002-05:00

Can you believe that fall is just around the corner! I love the fall weather with the crisp cool mornings and just warm enough days. What about you? Is fall one of your favorite times of the year?

Fall is a great time to enjoy time with family outdoors. Dillon International has several outdoor fall events planned. Please check these out and plan to attend an event near you. It will be fun and fellowship for the whole family!

Upcoming events

Oct. 2…Kansas Family Picnic--Park City, KS,Call (316) 733-5304 for details and to RSVP.

Oct. 2…Trivia Night--St. Louis, MO,Call (314) 576-4100 for details and ticket info. Buy tickets/sponsorships! & Sponsorship information

Oct. 12…Fundraiser Golf Tournament--Dallas, TX,Please Call (214) 893-6324 for details and to register.

Oct 16…Arkansas Families Fall Harvest on the Family Farm,11:00 AM - 4:00 PM, Little Rock, AR. Please contact Dillon's Arkansas office for full details and more information. Email: DillonAR@dillonadopt.com Phone: (501)791-9300

Oct 16...Dillon International’s Fall Festival returns! 10:00 AM - 2:00 PM, Tulsa, OK, at Green Country Event Center. Please contact Dillon's Tulsa office for full details and information. Email: info@dillonadopt.com Phone: (918)749-4600

Oct 24...Missouri Families Halloween Trunk or Treat, Please contact Dillon's Missouri office for full details and information. Email: DillonMO@dillonadopt.com Phone: (314)576-4100

Adoption and discovering life through an angel's eyes

2010-08-16T12:17:00.004-05:00

Check out this story!! Adoption and discovering life through an angel's eyes

Just in time for your back-to-school purchases!!

2010-08-06T09:22:00.000-05:00

We are thrilled to announce that Dillon International is holding a Benefit Days event with Borders. Borders understands the vital need for community fundraising, particularly in these financially difficult times.

Great Selection

Borders Benefit Days makes fundraising easy! All our supporters have to do is shop! Borders’ vast selection of books, movies, music, educational toys and games, Seattle’s Best Coffee cafe items, Paperchase stationery and gifts, and more make for fun and engaging shopping for you and a great way to fundraise for us.

Starting today , Dillon’s Benefit Days are August 6th and 7th at Borders South Tulsa, Borders Midtown Tulsa and at Borders.com. A portion of all purchases online or at the Tulsa store locations will be donated to Dillon for our programs when you use Dillon's code (DIIN0867G) online or the voucher (below or located in sidebar) at checkout.

Your Support Goes a Long Way!

Please share this attached voucher with as many people as you can, in as many ways as you can. The more supporters shop, the more our organization earns. It’s that simple. Any little bit helps! In advance, we appreciate your support. Dillon has many initiatives that will benefit from this fundraising event.

How Dillon Earns
10% on total two-day sales up to $1,500
15% on total two-day sales over $1,500 to $5,000
20% on total two-day sales over $5,000 to $20,000
25% on total two-day sales over $20,000

View printable flier HERE.

Angels from Abroad Program Gives Russian Orphans a Glimpse of Home Life

2010-08-05T14:06:00.002-05:00

by Brittany Black

(DALLAS)—The Denson family is riding on a tandem bike for seven.

God is the leader while Alyson, Wayne, Chase and Brett are peddling along with two other new pairs of feet. The additions are Russian orphans who are joining the Densons for almost three weeks as part of the Angels from Abroad hosting program.

“We were already starting to look into adoption, and about a month ago, Buckner-Dillon International called us asking if we would like to host,” said Wayne Denson. “We were interested in giving this experience to the kids because we know that these older children have often been written off.”

Angels from Abroad began in 2004 to raise awareness about the needs of older orphan children in Russia. Each summer, a group of orphans comes to America for two weeks and lives with a family from the North Texas area. These children get the chance to experience American life and, more importantly, they experience the love of a family and feel a sense of hope for their future.

“In this program, we focus on the needs of older orphans,” said Beth Brinkmeyer, Angels from Abroad coordinator. “We also know that if they aren’t adopted by the age 16, they will most likely face a very difficult future.”

This year, 17 children flew from Russia July 30 and were greeted by their host families, volunteers from Lake Pointe Church and Buckner staff.

Each child received a suitcase filled with toiletries and goodies and a gift card for each host family, which was donated by Lake Pointe Church in Rockwall, Texas.

“These items were all gifts from members of our Adoption Ministry,” said Mary Jo Marvin, a volunteer from Lake Pointe.

Tracey Blakely and her family have hosted a child each year since the program began. She said this is the second year suitcases have been donated and that it’s “awesome” the church has been able to provide.

“You can’t even put this whole experience into words,” Blakely said.

This year, the Blakelys will host two boys: Alexander and Kiril.

“For most of these kids, it’s the first time for them to experience a family,” Blakely said. “You can see such a change in two weeks. First, they are reluctant to know you and by the end of the time they feel like they are your own kids.”

James and Tracey Blakely ‘ s daughter, Jessica, says she tries not to get attached each year, but that one way or another she still does.

The first year The Blakelys hosted a child, they adopted him. Dima has been with the family for six years.

All but one of the children the Blakely family has hosted have been adopted by different families, and once the children are adopted, the Blakelys continue to be part of their lives.

“The child we hosted last year asked us to be there for his American adoption,” said Tracey Blakely. “We like to keep a continued bond with each of them.”

Whether it’s a family’s first time to host, or if they are veterans, each family said they were excited and nervous about the experience.

Tamara, from the St. Petersburg, Russia orphanage, said she could feel the warmth and happiness from everyone.

“I am able to spend time with a family and get to know a new city and have a good rest,” she said about her trip to Dallas.

Before leaving with their host family, the children got a chance to sit down with their hosts and a translator to go over plans, rules, and to ask and answer any questions that came about.

The Denson’s told their two new additions that they must follow one big rule: “We have to have lots of fun,” Wayne said.

Elena,12, smiled and said, “That’s easy.”

To learn more about Angels from Abroad, visit http://www.angelsfromabroad.org/
or to follow the Angels’ visit with their American families, go to http://www.blog.angelsfromabroad.com/.

What I learned from Korea Camp

2010-07-29T22:40:00.000-05:00

My oldest daughter, my three youngest children and I attended Korea Camp hosted by Dillon International last week in Tulsa, Oklahoma. We have been hoping to attend for the past several years, but the timing and the finances were just not in place. I am so excited to report that we had a WONDERFUL time. It was exhausting, but amazing! I am still recovering from ‘event withdrawal’.

This week, I would like to share some of the things that I learned from Korea Camp.

1. Be flexible….be very, very flexible – try not to develop and hold on to any unrealistic expectations. Just relax, go with the flow and have fun!

2. Plan for organized chaos the first day of camp. It really is under control, even if it does not look like it.

3. When meeting people face to face for the first time after ‘knowing’ them via the internet (i.e. forums or online groups, etc) or phone…plan on the fact that they will never look in person the way you picture them.

4. The Korean Culture is awesome and amazing!! Some of it you will like and some of it will seem different, but learn to appreciate it all.

5. Some of our favorite moments of camp were watching the Korean dancer with the ribbon on his head, meeting new friends and catching up with old friends.

6. The question, “Where are you from?”…means what state or town, not country you came from!

7. When trying to locate your child in the crowd, you cannot try to find the one with the dark hair!

8. One of my children came home from camp the first day so excited that they made a new best friend. When I asked which one, she said, “the one with the dark hair and eyes like mine”. So sweet!

9. The camp coordinators begin working on next year’s camp as soon as this one ends! I believe it! They are amazing! Thank you everyone from coordinators, volunteers, parents, Korean Musician group, counselors, campers and anyone else who made Korea camp a success!

10. Make plans now to attend a heritage camp next year! It will be worth every minute, every mile traveled, every inconvenience and every single dollar of expense. It will be a precious and priceless experience for your entire family!

I would love to hear about some of your camp experiences no matter which Dillon camp or heritage weekend you have attended this year. Did you learn anything that you would like to share with others? Please let us know!

I hope to see you next year!

Cherri

Summer Movies for Families

2010-07-16T15:53:00.001-05:00

Summer is well underway, and I hope that you have been able to enjoy some summer recreation and relaxation with your family!

Many families try to catch a few good movies during the summer. There are a few family friendly movies that have been released for the summer. One of these movies is called “Despicable Me”. I want to bring this up because I have heard some mixed reactions from other adoptive families who have seen this movie.

I have not seen the movie, but I have seen the trailers. I did not know that the movie contains some adoption elements, because this is not really apparent in the trailers. I want you to know this so that you are not caught unaware if you choose to take your children to see it.

Some families who saw it had some very negative feedback, while others did not come away with any such reservations. Here is some of the feedback I received from a few adoptive families who have seen it. I hope that this will help you make a more informed choice about whether or not this movie is one that you would like for your family to see.

“Yes, I took my bio son to see a preview, not realizing there was anadoption theme (there was no evidence of that in the trailer). I washorrified. The girls are "adopted" by a bad guy in a costume with noprocess whatsoever, then they're abruptly returned when they prove aninconvenient encumbrance, and then they're punished, literally putinto a "box of shame" at the orphanage for the crime of having beenrejected, and then expected to risk their lives to trust the bad buy/adopter again.I truly could not believe a movie could be so insensitive in this dayand age. Thank goodness I had not taken my (adoptive) daughter to seeit. I would have walked out.It's a shame that this "despicable" treatment of adoption ruins whatis otherwise a funny and well-executed film.”….Anonymous

*******
“I wouldn't say it's not an adoption friendly movie per-say, though there are some negative elements. The lady who runs the orphanage that the 3 little girls are in isn't super nice. She appears so at first, then you find out all she's interested in is having the girls sell cookies for profit. They say they are selling them "so we can have a better life and stuff"- clearly not the case. She does tell them if they don't meet their quota, they will have to spend the weekend in the "box of shame", which is a cardboard box. You see one girl in there briefly, though she's not crying or in pain or anything. You also see the 3 girls in there after they've been 'returned' to the girl's home- again, no crying. She would remind you of Mrs. Hannigan from Annie- very much like that, but maybe a bit nicer? I mean, she never plans to kill any of the girls or anything like Mrs. Hannigan did. The meanest thing, in my opinion, that she does is say to the middle girl, "you're never going to get adopted, Agness. You know that, don't you?" It's in a matter-of-fact tone, not menacing, but still hurtful. The little girl had put a mud pie on her desk as a gift. The orphanage looks nice enough, the girls have a room to themselves, beds, etc. Gru initially adopts the girls in order to get past security at his rival's fortress/house. He's never cruel to them, only dismissive at first, and fairly quickly they show him beginning to care for them. He does give them back, but it's made very clear that it wasn't his call- it was made by his partner, Dr. Nefario. He's clearly upset by that, but presses on toward his goal of stealing the moon (again, pressured by his partner). It's also very clear that it wasn't because of the girls mis-behaving or not fitting-in with the new household. He, of course, realizes his mistake and returns to save them, promising to "catch you and never ever let you go again". The end is actually quite touching, showing what seemed like an odd choice for a father becoming a great one. The girls seem to adjust quickly to the home, with only a few conflicts (and even those aren't that big of a deal). I'd say the only de-briefing you'd have to do with an adoptive child is letting them know that orphanages and care-givers there AREN'T like that. If that would be upsetting to your adopted child to view, skip it- otherwise, it's great and really funny!”…Courtney

Please keep in mind that these are just two different parents’ opinions about this movie. Since it does contain adoption themes, I thought it might be a good idea to mention it just in case other families might be unaware like I was.

I hope you continue to have a fun and safe summer! Maybe I will get to meet some of you at Dillon’s Korea Camp next week in Tulsa!

Cherri

Dillon International Events Reminders

2010-07-01T17:34:00.004-05:00

Hey Everyone!
I hope that you are enjoying your summer! Here are a few reminders about upcoming events at Dillon International.

Dillon’s China Heritage Camp is next week. China Camp will be held July 8 - 10, 2010 at Green Country Event Center, 12000 East 31st Street, Tulsa, OK 74146

They still need volunteers and teachers for China Camp. If you are able to help out with camp, please contact Whitney at whitney@dillonadopt.com

During China Camp, Dillon International will be hosting a Private Film Screening of Wo Ai Ni Mommy (I Love You Mommy)

After the film you can meet the Chinese-American Film Director Stephanie Wang-Breal for a special Q&A time!
Friday, July 9, 2010
10:00 AM - 12:00 PM
Green Country Event Center, Tulsa, OK

Film Preview Cost:
Camp Families: $10/ Non-Camp Families: $15
Register Attendance

ALL adoptive families are invited to this film event.

I hope and pray that all of you have fun and safe Independence Day celebrations with family and friends!

Cherri

Private movie screening offered SOON! - Wo Ai Ni Mommy

2010-06-24T23:05:00.007-05:00

Have you ever wondered what the adoption experience is like from a child’s perspective? I know that I have! You now have a rare opportunity to see a documentary film that documents an older Chinese adoptee’s transition from China into an American family’s home from the child’s perspective.

Film maker, Stephanie Wang-Beal is a first generation Chinese-American who grew up with her own struggles regarding her Chinese-American heritage. Stephanie began to wonder how Chinese adoptees were coping and adjusting to some of these same struggles. Stephanie says, “I became interested in making a documentary about Chinese adoption in 1999… After interviewing over 100 families with children from China as research for the project, I realized I wanted to make a documentary that provided insight into the child’s experience, because that was a perspective that was notably absent.

“…I hope to help other cultures and races understand that being a person of color does play a prominent role in our lives. And that being Chinese does not necessarily mean we understand or represent the entire Chinese experience.”

The film is called Wo Ai Ni Mommy (I love you Mommy) and Dillon International will be offering a private screening of this film on Friday, July 9th from 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM at the Green Country Event Center in Tulsa. The Chinese-American filmmaker will be present during the screening and available for Q&A and meet ‘n greet afterwards. Rebecca Hackworth, LCSW, will facilitate the Q&A time with Stephanie Wang-Breal. There will be a small fee to attend the screening: Families attending China heritage Camp: $10/person and non-camp families: $15/person.

You can read more of the details about the film below or on Dillon's main website. Register to attend the screening here: Register Attendance

I will share more about the movie and the film maker next week. Please be sure to tell others about this amazing opportunity!
Cherri
*********************
WO AI NI MOMMY
A FILM BY STEPHANIE WANG-BREAL
2009- 76 MINUTES – COLOR – ENGLISH and MANDARIN/CANTONESE WITH ENGLISH SUBTITLES – USA

In the last decade, China was the leading country for U.S. international adoptions. Now, there are over 70,000 Chinese children being raised by American families. Eight-year old Fang Sui Yong, aka Faith Sadowksy, is just one of them. After being abandoned at 2, sent to a city orphanage for two years, and then taken in by a loving Chinese foster family, Faith's life is suddenly upended when she is adopted by Donna and Jeff Sadowsky, a Jewish family in Long Island, New York. WO AI NI MOMMY explores, for the first time, what it feels like to be adopted from the child’s perspective. This intimate and honest story is told in real-time by Faith as she tearfully parts ways with her birth culture, language and foster family—the only family she’s really ever known. WO AI NI MOMMY documents her struggle to adapt to her new life in America and offers a rare glimpse into a personal transformation that neither she, her American mother, nor the filmmaker could have ever imagined.

DIRECTED AND PRODUCED BY
STEPHANIE WANG-BREAL
CONSULTING PRODUCERS
JUDITH HELFAND
JEAN TSIEN
EDITED BY
GIGI WONG
DIRECTORS OF PHOTOGRAPHY
DONNY TAM
STEPHANIE WANG-BREAL
ORIGINAL MUSIC
PAUL GOLDMAN

Heritage Camps and Summer Plans

2010-06-08T17:05:00.004-05:00

My kids are so excited that summer is finally here. They are really looking forward to heritage camp this year. This will be their first year to attend so they are counting down the days!

It's not too late to register your child for heritage camp this year. I hope that you will make heritage camp attendance part of your family’s summer plans!

One of the unique features about Dillon International has always been our commitment to adoptees and their families long after the adoption has been finalized. We believe that having an understanding of his/her birth heritage beginning with childhood helps an adoptee to succeed in life by giving him/her a positive appreciation for his/her dual heritage. Dillon International has built a solid reputation in the international adoption community on providing top-quality post-adoption services for adoptees and their families.

We encourage each adoptive family to take advantage of these various opportunities for learning, growth, and enrichment in order to enhance their family's overall international adoption experience.

Here is a list of the upcoming heritage events:

June 10 - 12, 2010-Vietnam Heritage Weekend

June 24 - 26, 2010-India Heritage Camp

July 8 - 10, 2010-China Heritage Camp

July 22 - 24, 2010-Korea Heritage Camp

August 6 and 7, 2010-African/Caribbean Weekend

If you have any questions about this weekend please feel free to
contact Lisa Leung at lisa@dillonadopt.com

All these events will take place in the Tulsa, Oklahoma area. For more information on heritage camps please visit Dillon’s website. Or call 918-749-4600

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Talking About Adoption: How Often and How Much?

2010-05-20T20:03:00.004-05:00

This is an article that I found the other day. I have been wondering this myself for the last few months. I hope it helps you.
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Talking About Adoption: How Often and How Much? by Ellen Singer LCSW-C, Adoption Program Specialist The Center for Adoption Support and Education, Inc

Most adoptive parents worry about whether or not they are communicating enough with their children about adoption, especially with children who don't present with a lot of questions. On the other hand, some parents express concern about overdoing the emphasis on adoption, perhaps giving their children the impression that they were unfortunate victims of life's events.

ALL parents want to meet their children's emotional needs for security, self-esteem, and love. Many of us were fortunate to grow up with parents whose communication tried to address these needs.

However, many of us also had parents who did not understand our innermost feelings and worries. They could not help us to really acknowledge them. If I said to my mother, "I don't want to go on the field trip," she would respond, "Why not? There's nothing to be afraid of. Of course you'll go." As in the words of Sherrie Eldridge, author of Twenty Things Adopted Children Wish Their Parents Knew, my loving mother did not "connect with my heart." She didn't know how to discover why I was feeling afraid, that separating from her made me anxious sometimes. She also did not know how to acknowledge my fear before reassuring me. Today's parents are learning how to say. "I understand that it scares you to be away from me sometimes. But I promise, I'll be right here when you return. I am confident that you will be all right. And I'll be glad to hear all about your trip."

A generation ago, our parents meant well. But they didn't have the tools for this kind of communication. And they believed that painful feelings and subjects were to be avoided. They tended to avoid their own painful feelings.

Today's adoptive parents need to help their children with their important feelings related to adoption, including feelings of loss and grief, which impact their child' sense of security and self-esteem. They can do this by VALIDATING their child's feeling (including those related to adoption) with statements such as, "That must be very painful." Everyone can help their children by knowing how to empathetically respond to them. Sometimes, before parents can do this, they must come to terms with their own feelings about adoption, including the normal emotions of loss, jealousy, and fear of birth parents.

How often should a parent raise the topic of adoption? Holly van Gulden, in her book, Real Parents, Real Children, suggests that parents throw out "pebbles" periodically. "Pebbles" are statements about adoption or your child's adoption story that create a ripple effect, which may or may not produce an immediate response. "I wonder if your artistic ability comes from your birth mother." Children will respond as they wish and when they wish. Parents can be aware of stories in the media that reference adoption themes. These strategies provide a consistent message that adoption is a topic that is open for discussion. Children are different in how they process adoption. As long as parents have established an open atmosphere, they do not need to be overly worried about those children who ask only a few questions. (It may change as they get older.) Parents are also advised to remember that conversations may come up at the most unexpected times - driving in the car --sometimes last less than a minute, and to allow children to end the conversation as they desire.

As long as parents create opportunities for adoption to be brought up, they are doing well by their children.
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This article was reprinted with permission from The Center for Adoption Support and Education where this article was published.

This article and many other helpful resources can be found at The Center for Adoption Support and Education. Please take time to check out this valuable resource site.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

"Just for Kids on Mother's Day"

2010-05-06T15:50:00.006-05:00

This Sunday is Mother’s Day and while most people view it as something to celebrate . . . and it is . . .; however, it can also be a very sad or bitter-sweet day for others. Here is an article that I recently read that may help those who are thinking about their birthmothers on this day. It is a very good article and I plan to try some of the suggestions that the author makes.
----------------------

Just for Kids on Mother's Day
Do You Think About Your Birthmother?
By Jean MacLeod
www.adoptiontoolbox.com

Do you think about your birthmother? Most adopted kids do! It’s normal and natural-- your birthmother is part of you, and you may yearn to know about that piece of yourself. You may have questions for her; you may wish to know details about your birth, or the real answer to why she left you…

Mother’s Day can be a day of mixed emotions for internationally adopted kids who have no contact with their birthparents. You may feel love for your absent birthmother, or sadness, or even anger! You may even feel guilty for thinking about your birthmother if you believe your adoptive mother would be hurt by your questions or sad feelings. You may feel ALL of these things occasionally, and it may feel confusing to have all of this swirling around inside. Try to remember:

• It’s okay to love two moms

• It’s okay to feel happy or sad or mad when you think about your birthmother

• It’s okay to share your real feelings with your mom or dad

Honoring your mom on Mother’s Day is a wonderful tradition. It is an opportunity to make your mom, who loves you and cares for you on a daily basis, feel special and appreciated! Mother’s Day can also be an opportunity to think about the woman that gave you life. It can be a chance to focus on understanding how you have become a beautiful part of BOTH of your moms…

Creating rituals and taking symbolic action are ways people deal with deep emotion. Sometimes ‘doing’ can help you express yourself when finding the right words for what you are feeling is difficult. Talking about adoption and birthparents can be tough! You may wish to choose an action or ritual that symbolizes your thoughts or feelings about your birthmother (or create one of your own), and enlist your mom’s help. Honoring your birthmother doesn’t diminish your love for your adoptive mom on Mother’s Day. It simply recognizes your birthmother’s essential contribution to your being, and enlarges your family circle to include an important piece of YOU.

IDEAS

Write a letter to your birthmother, and keep in a special box. The box can be a place to store your thoughts and feelings, and small treasures that remind you of your early life.

Paint a picture: use your feelings and your imagination and make a picture of youwith your two mothers

Make a cake the day before Mother’s Day to celebrate your birthmother on a new occasion: “Mother’s Day Eve”.

Talk to your mom about your feelings about your birthmother. Your mom will understand, and sharing your emotions will make you feel lighter inside.

Create a book about your life, and describe the traits you think you have inherited from your birthmother, and what she might look like (look in the mirror!).

Light a candle, and send a blessing, a thought or a prayer to your birthmother.

Plant a flower or a small tree, as a symbol of your own roots (your birthmother) and blooming branches (your adoptive family).

View the moon when it is full, and know that it is the same moon your birthmother views at night, from across the ocean. A moonbeam connection!

Copyright 2007 MacLeod, All Rights Reserved, Reprinted with the permission of Jean MacLeod.

Other articles are available at http://www.adoptiontoolbox.com/aboutus.html
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I hope that you have a blessed Mother’s Day this Sunday. And let’s remember to say a prayer of peace and comfort for those who have lost their mothers, for all of the mothers and for all those who long to be mothers who are dealing with grief and loss on this day.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Loss and Grief in Adoption

2010-04-29T17:27:00.002-05:00

I have been reading the book by Sherrie Eldridge called, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish their Adoptive Parents Knew (Random House Publishing Group, 1999, 2003). I know that someone recommended it to me a few months ago, but I just borrowed it from a friend last night. I just have to say that I believe that this book is a must read for any adoptive parent. I have only read the first few chapters, but I have been completely stunned by some of the revelations in this book. It has been a huge eye-opener for me! If you have not read it yet, please make plans to get a copy to read right away. Just make sure to grab a box of facial tissues to have handy while reading it.

Sherrie Eldridge talks quite a bit about adoption loss, grief, misdirected anger, and feelings of abandonment. While these terms are not new to many adoptive parents, what is new (for me at least) is the manner in which she describes these feelings and some of the ways that they can affect the adoptee for his/her entire life.

These last few weeks have been rather emotionally draining for my family and me. We have some big changes coming up and some of the adoption issues mentioned above are beginning to surface regularly with our grade-school-aged children. I have spent quite a bit of time in the last week listening and talking to our younger children about some of these issues and trying to get them the help they need in dealing with these concerns. I was already a bit emotionally raw when I started reading this book. This may be part of the reason why the message in this book hit me so hard.

As I said before, I have not read the entire book yet, but what I have read has already completely changed the way I view adoption and the way I will interact with my adopted children. The author of the book points out something so very key and so very simple, yet it is something we all try to avoid as if our lives depended on it. It is the issue of pain. We live in such a pain intolerant society. We do not want to experience pain! I am just as guilty as anyone else. If I get a headache, it is easier and quicker to take come pain medicine than it is to go relax or to address the real issue of why I have a headache in the first place. It is like the alarm bells are going off and I unplug the alarm.

In the very first part of the book, Sherrie Eldridge writes the following…

**“The ‘L’ word

As with most everything in life, adoption has positive and negative elements. None of us wants to acknowledge the negative, painful side-that is, loss. But the truth is, the very act of adoption is built upon loss. For the birth parents, the loss of their biological offspring, the relationship that could have been, a very part of themselves. For the adoptive parents, the loss of giving birth to a biological child, the child whose face will never mirror theirs. And for the adopted child, the loss of the birth parents, the earliest experience of belonging and acceptance. To deny adoption loss is to deny the emotional reality of everyone involved.”

A paragraph later she continues…

“Grief is the natural response to loss, and those touched by adoption must be given permission to revisit emotionally the place of loss, feel the pain, scream the anger, cry the tears, and allow themselves to be loved by others. If left unresolved, this grief can and often does sabotage the strongest of families and the deepest potential within the adopted child. It can undermine the most sincere parental commitment and force adoptees to suffer in private, choosing either rebellion or conformity as a mode of relating.”

**Copyright © Sherrie Eldridge, 1999, 2003. No reprinting without permission of author. Contact: www.sherrieeldridge.com

While I knew most of this in my intellect and have learned this in pre-adoption education, it just did not make an impression on my heart. To be perfectly honest, I have been so busy over the last few years glorifying adoption and crying from the roof tops about how wonderful adoption is. I have become a self-proclaimed ‘adoption evangelist’ if you will. Don’t get me wrong, adoption can be a wonderful thing, but what I was failing to realize is that my adopted children are going to need our family’s permission to grieve their losses which will reach far beyond their initial grieving process upon entering this family. I have thought a few times about their birth families, but I just did not want to ‘go there’ because it was just too painful and just brought tears to my eyes. I just cannot even phathom the choices these birth families had to face. In some cases, the choices may have been to leave the child so that he or she could receive medical care, whereby saving the child’s life; or if they kept their child with no means to meet their medical (or other) needs, this would almost certainly lead to a tragic outcome. What kind of a choice is that! I have never been faced with something so dire and tragic. It just simply takes my breath away.

As I mentioned earlier, I have always tried to avoid this pain and I was hoping that my children would not have to experience this kind of pain. I was hoping that we could completely focus on all the awesome and positive elements of their adoption into our family. It is not that I wanted to avoid the subject altogether, I was just hoping we did not have to stay there too long and get everyone upset and sobbing. As it turns out, I was completely wrong! At least according to the author of this book who is an adult adoptee herself. She has been through all of this and she talked to many adoptees in preparation for writing this book. I guess she should know what she is talking about!

You will need to get the book and read it for yourself to understand all that I am talking about, but the main point here is that we should not avoid pain. We should learn to embrace it rather than run from it. We should learn to grieve with our children. It is OK to bring up their past and their birth families and sit and cry together if necessary. It may actually be a relief to them to find out that you are actually willing to talk about it. While not all adoptees may feel the need to dwell here, they should at least feel safe and free to ‘go there’ if they need to. I also do not want to leave you with the impression that we plan to go around depressed and down trodden because we are so sad. However, there is a very appropriate time to grieve and to grieve with and for those who are grieving.

I guess the main thing that I would like to leave you with is that I hope you will consider allowing yourself to feel the pain, allow yourself and your child to ‘go there’ and even ‘stay there’ for a while if necessary. I also mentioned counseling last week. This would also be a good time to make sure you have a good counseling plan in place. Please do not let pride or fear of what others may think, hinder you from really entering your child’s world of loss and grief. If you both acknowledge this and go through it together, hopefully it will build an emotional bond that will last a lifetime.

I would also like to hear from some of you on how you have helped your child through the loss and grief process. Here is an example by an adoptive mom I know. She took her young adopted daughter (age 11) to a craft store to pick out supplies for a memorial stone for the girl’s birth mother. They plan to put the memorial stone in their garden. This girl had been with her birth mother until the mother’s death just a few years ago. Unfortunately, the daughter was not allowed to attend the mother’s funeral. As you might imagine, this left quite a deep hurt in this child. This wise adoptive mom recognized that this child needed to have something tangible to remember her mother by. She helped her adoptive daughter plan, design and buy the supplies needed for this project. The adoptive mom did not feel threatened and did not take any of her daughter’s negative behavior personally. The adoptive mom told me later that it was like her daughter had a huge sigh of relief when the stone was done. She was free to express the grief of her loss freely, without shame at anytime she needed to.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

We knew this day would come, but why is it so hard?

2010-04-22T22:35:00.004-05:00

I had an interesting conversation with my son Simon the other night. He is six years old and in Kindergarten. He is old enough now to notice that his face/lip looks different from others and I am sure some kids at school have asked about it. My husband and I knew that this day would come, but I think we were both hoping deep down that it would not. In previous posts, I have mentioned that Simon was cleft affected. He was born with a bilateral third degree cleft lip and palate. This means that he had a significant cleft lip that extended through both nostrils, gums and continued through his entire palate. As you might imagine, even after a couple of surgeries, he still has some visible scarring and issues with his speech.

The other night, I was putting Simon to bed when out of the blue he says to me, “I don’t like my face. It looks weird.” I immediately knew what he meant, but I said, “What don’t you like. What looks weird?” He said, “You know, this part right here,” as he pointed to the scars on his upper lip. My heart sank and I wanted to cry. I quickly prayed a silent, “Please help me” prayer. I mean, what do you say? You cannot deny something that is obviously there. Do you say, “Well, I can see what you mean.” You cannot say, “I don’t see anything.” He would just think, “Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

Here is what I did say: “You know that God made you special. He made you with a plan and a purpose.” Simon asked, “What is it?” I said, “Well, you know the little boy across the street? His baby sister has something similar and now the mommy can ask us questions and talk to us about it because she knows we will understand. That is good that we can help other people.” He agreed that this was good. Then I had another thought. I said, “You know everybody has something that they are not necessarily excited about. You see these wrinkles on my forehead? I don’t really like them either, but do they bother you?” He said, “No.” (I was relieved! I have to be honest, I was not sure what his response to this would be. This could have backfired!) I went on to say, “They don’t bother daddy or anyone else in our family. They do not change who I am and our family cares for me because of who I am, not because of the way I look.” He exclaimed, “Hey, you’re right! This is what I learned about in a Veggie Tales movie and we talked about it at church. God made me special and loves me just the way I am!” (I have a little disclaimer here. We talk about this in our home as well, so why he mentioned Veggie Tales first is beyond me!)

This will obviously be an ongoing dialogue with Simon to make sure we know how he is doing and how he is processing things. I also want to say here that I did ask his permission to share this story. He is a very sweet boy and he thought it would be OK for me to talk to you about it if it might help some other people. I told him that other kids and families have some of the same feelings and they get sad sometimes too. To my surprise, he was actually surprised by this revelation. Sometimes as a parent, I forget that my children are not processing things on the same level as I am. They do not always realize that there are other kids who have the same feelings as they do.

This issue of looking different, for whatever reason, is something that many adopted children will have to come to terms with. It just made me so sad to hear him say, "I don't like my face...it looks weird." I wished I could somehow make all of this go away. I hope and pray that I did not say the wrong thing. I am not sure that there is necessarily always ‘the right thing’ to say, but I know that there can definitively be the wrong thing to say!

A few days later, I visited with Rebecca Hackworth, LCSW, from Dillon International about the dialogue that I had with Simon. I was feeling rather sad and disappointed in myself that I should know how to handle this better. I was hoping that she could offer ideas and encouragement for this difficult subject. Here are some of her thoughts.

“I’ve urged all of my families to re-read certain books after placement as I am confident they will get more help when they are looking these situations in the face while they are reading. That’s when learning is so much more effective! At every developmental stage children process what adoption means for them all over again.
I’m still learning and I’ve been a parent for 25 years of two adopted daughters, and working as a professional for 17 of my 21 years at Dillon – so it is an ever evolving process and a field where new helpful information comes to light every day. I learned some new things today that I thought – oh my, why haven’t we been up on this area with our families before now!

WISE Up, the program we do with kids and parents at Dillon’s heritage camps is often helpful as well.

W-walk away,
I-it’s private information,
S-share a piece of the story,
E-provide a piece of adoption education.

All children are teased for their obvious differentness, sorting out motive is sometimes the issue. Is it racism, is it just because we are different looking in some obvious way, would they tease any child that had this special need? Fun or playful teasing is when everyone is laughing in a genuine way after the teasing, hurtful teasing is when not everyone is laughing afterwards, and ongoing, hurtful teasing is bullying.”

I also talked to an adult adoptee about what we are currently going through. She told me about a book that sounds really good. It is called, “Same Lake, Different Boat.” It is a Christ-centered book authored by a mother of a child with Down Syndrome. The author talks a lot about how we are all created in God’s image. I hope to get this book and read it soon. It is so important for my son (and everyone for that matter) to be told over and over again that he was created in God’s image and that he is perfect!

This latest struggle that our family has been facing has made me realize again that even though the adoption is a one-time event, the grief and hard stuff can really creep up and or seem to come out of the ‘blue’. Anyone who has been touched by adoption should realize that the issues surrounding this will last a lifetime. The good stuff is good, but the hard stuff is hard. Unfortunately, we have to take the bad with the good. We just have to trust God to guide us to the resources and support that we need to meet the needs of our children in the most productive and positive way.

Please do not hesitate to get the help that you and your children need. Seeking out counseling should not be viewed as a weakness. It may be somewhat humbling to seek this out, but it is well worth it. It is kind of like going to the doctor for certain types of check-ups. It may be a somewhat humbling experience to begin with, but it could save your life in the long-run.

If you are struggling in this area and feel like you could benefit from some counsel, Rebecca Hackworth does offer private adoption counseling services. You can contact her at rebecca@dillonadopt.com or 918.994.7945.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

www.Facebook.com/Dillon.International
www.twitter.com/DillonAdoptions

We ARE the TRUTH - A Call to Action

2010-04-13T13:29:00.003-05:00

If you have been watching the news over the last few days, you have seen the story about the boy adopted from Russia who was sent back to the country by his adoptive mother. These types of stories are awful and rare, but because of this they attract a lot of media attention. In response to these unfortunate events, The Joint Council on International Children’s Services has issued this “Call to Action” press release. Please take time to read it and to respond quickly in a positive way to support adoption. I have always heard that bad news gets the press, let’s work together to help change that.
-----------------------------------
We Are The Truth
A Campaign and Call to Action

The Joint Council on International Children's Services
April 12, 2010

The outrageous treatment of Artyem by his adoptive family has rightfully resulted in outrage by the Governments of Russia and the United States and all who care about children. The tragedy has cast a light on intercountry adoption that says it is not safe, the system failed and adopted children cause insurmountable problems. The heartbreak of Artyem Saviliev’s abandonment has once again elevated a singular incident to a level which may result in the suspension of intercountry adoption. Suspending adoption, even temporarily, will only cause thousands of children to suffer the debilitating effects of life in an orphanage. You, the community of adoptees, adoptive parents, adoptive grandparents, child welfare professionals and child advocates know that the outrageous and indefensible actions of one parent are not indicative of how children are treated by adoptive families. You know that families who encounter difficulties do not simply abandon their child. You know that help is available, that solutions are found and that families can thrive. And you know that suspending adoption does not protect children but only subjects them to the depravity of an institution…and an entire life without a family.

You, the adoption community know the truth. You live the truth. You are the truth. Join our campaign to bring the truth to light and help children in need find a permanent and safe family. What You Can Do:

1) Sign the letter to President Medvedev and President Obama: The letter asks both Presidents to ensure that intercountry adoption continues uninterrupted and to aggressively investigate and prosecute anyone involved in the abuse of children. You can sign anytime, but doing so before Tuesday night would help us get the letters to both Presidents before President Medvedev leaves the U.S. To sign the letter, click here.

2) We Are The Truth – an adoption blogger day: To ensure the world knows about every successful adoption, on Thursday, April 15, 2010 blog about your adoption or the adoption of someone you know. It doesn’t matter if your adoption is with Russia, domestic or otherwise international. Let the world know your truth!

3) Tell Your Truth with Video - make sure the world sees, hears and feels the thousands of successful adoptions from Russia by:

a. Send Joint Council your successful Russian adoption video via email to
alexa.m@jcics.org.

i. Video should be a maximum of 3 minutes.
ii. A release must be sent to Joint Council or we cannot accept your video.
For a copy of the release, click here.

b. Joint Council will translate the video into Russian and post it on our YouTube Channel.

4) Tell Your Truth with Words and Photos

a. Send Joint Council your successful Russian adoption story via email to
alexa.m@jcics.org. Send us your stories through:

i. Photos (please do not send more than 10)
ii. Essays (maximum 500 words)
iii. A release must be sent to Joint Council or we cannot accept your story
and/or pictures. For a copy of the release, click here.

b. Joint Council will then compile the stories and pictures, translate them into Russian and post them on our website and/or blog.

5) Share Your Truth

a. Joint Council will post, forward and share your stories via Facebook, Twitter, and blogs. Joint Council will be updating our YouTube Channel and Facebook page as the stories get compiled and translated, please subscribe to us on YouTube, Twitter and Fan us on Facebook.

b. You do the same by posting on your Facebook, Twitter, blog and website!
-------------------------------
For more information on additional ways that you can help, please contact
The Joint Council on International Children's Services
117 South St Asaph St ● Alexandria, VA 22314 USA ● Tel: +1 703-535-8045 ● www.jointcouncil.org ● jcics@jcics.org

Thank you for letting the truth be known!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

www.Facebook.com/Dillon.International
www.twitter.com/DillonAdoptions

Importance of Heritage Camps and other Cultural Activities

2010-04-08T17:12:00.005-05:00

This week I would like to talk about the importance of heritage camps and activities for children who were adopted and their families. Although our family has not had the opportunity to attend a heritage camp yet, we are hoping and planning on attending Dillon International’s Korea Heritage Camp this summer. I was reviewing the application the other day and I noticed that the deadline to receive the “Early Bird” discount for Dillon’s Korea Heritage Camp is fast approaching. The “Early Bird” registration deadline is next Thursday, April 15, 2010. So if you have not signed up yet and would like to receive the discount, please return your application right away. You can find out more about Dillon’s Korea Heritage Camp here.

Heritage camps and other cultural events and activities are extremely important for children who come from different cultural backgrounds according to Whitney McIntire, Dillon’s Heritage Camp Director. Dillon International has made a lifelong commitment to its families with the following goals in mind:
· To provide opportunities to build lifelong friendships with other adoptive families and adoptees
· To help adoptees learn about their birth country and allow each adoptee to celebrate being from that culture
· To embrace the uniqueness of being a multi-cultural American family
· To equip adoptees with the tools to enhance their self-esteem and heighten adoption understanding for today and tomorrow
· To advocate a positive image of adoption to society
· To recognize God's divine plan for each life

I asked several adoptive families to share some of their thoughts about these types of events. Here is what they had to say….

"Helping your child connect with his/her culture and heritage prepares him/her to interact with people from that culture as they grow up. Our kids attend a HUGE high school where kids from various ethnicities tend to hang together. This would be awkward if they were not familiar with the background and experience of teens whose parents are from that culture. Other kids expect our kids to have Chinese/Indian parents and to share certain experiences and traditions. It's an important piece he/she needs to understand to sort out his/her unique identity. Attending camps also provides an opportunity to interact with other kids adopted from the same culture." Sara, international adoptive mom (India and China)

"We feel these are an awesome and direct way connecting our kids with their heritage. Not only from the cultural standpoint, but also from the fact that they can see other families that "look" like theirs." Michele, international adoptive mom (India)

“Our family has taken on the role of Korean-American, not just a family with kids adopted from Korea. Heritage camp helps our family learn and respect being Korean.” Libby, international adoptive mom (Korea)

My family hopes and prays that by making the effort to attend heritage camps or events, our children will understand how much we care about them, their culture and their feelings. We hope and pray that our children will find encouragement by connecting with families like ours and discover tools to help them with struggles they may face in life as an adoptee.

Here are a few special notes about Dillon’s Heritage Camps:

**Partial scholarships are available. Contact Rosalyn Metcalfe at 918-749-4600 or rosalyn@dillonadopt.com for information. (If you would like to help a child attend camp who might not otherwise be able to come, please make a donation to the campership fund. In our efforts of constantly improving the camp experience for you and your child, we also welcome general camp donations!)

**Parents We Need You! We cannot have a successful camp without parent volunteers. We strongly encourage you to read the Parent Volunteer Application and consider volunteering.

Below is a schedule of Dillon International’s Heritage Events for 2010:

Eastern Europe Heritage Weekend
May 21 & 22, 2010
Fellowship Bible Church5434
East 91st Street, Tulsa, OK 74137

Vietnam Heritage Weekend
June 10 - 12, 2010
Green Country Event Center
12000 East 31st Street, Tulsa, OK 74146

India Heritage Camp
June 24 - 26, 2010
Green Country Event Center
12000 East 31st Street, Tulsa, OK 74146

China Heritage Camp
July 8 - 10, 2010
Green Country Event Center
12000 East 31st Street, Tulsa, OK 74146

Korea Heritage Camp
July 22 - 24, 2010
Green Country Event Center
12000 East 31st Street, Tulsa, OK 74146

For more information about Dillon International’s Heritage Camps, please email: heritagecamps@dillonadopt.com or for complete camp details click here. I hope to see you there!

If you would like more information on the subject of heritage or culture camps, please follow this link to Adoptive Families.com

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

www.Facebook.com/Dillon.International
www.twitter.com/DillonAdoptions

How to respond graciously to negative comments

2010-04-01T15:31:00.005-05:00

Last week I posted about doing the right thing even when it is hard. There were a lot of really great comments on this topic. One of the comments mentioned that sometimes the ‘hard thing’ is hearing hurtful comments from others who are not personally involved with your adoption. She also wished that she knew how to answer graciously. I have been pondering this for the last several days.

How to graciously answer negative comments about our adoption plans, adoption process or even our adoptive family? I did some internet research on the topic. I basically did not come up with anything new. Most of the articles and sources that I came across gave the same general information that I have seen before. There are some really good articles about similar topics on Adoptive Families website, and I would recommend that you check them out when you have the time. I just could not find anything that mentioned the word ‘grace’ as any part of the answer.

I decided to look so see what the Bible has to say about this. The Bible obviously talks about grace but I think most of the time we think of it in reference to God’s grace towards us. What about how to answer people graciously when they are saying hurtful and offensive things about our adoption?

I don’t know about you, but I have to be very careful when I am responding to comments like this. In my human nature, I tend to become defensive and I would really like to give them an instant education! This of course is not the right way to handle a situation like this. So what is the right way? How should we respond to negative and hurtful comments about our adoption plans, adoption process or even about our adoptive family? What does the Bible have to say about this?

I found that while God’s Word does not address this specific situation, but there are examples of how we are to respond when we feel unjustly accused, or encounter opposition for doing what is right or for following God’s call in our life. Let’s look at this together.

1 Peter 3:8-17 (New International Version)

Suffering for Doing Good

8 Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10 For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. 11 He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."
13 Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? 14 But even if you should suffer (Amplified version says “opposition”) for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." 15 But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. 17 It is better, if it is God's will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil."

Here are a few things that impressed me about this passage. (Disclaimer, I am not a theologian. These are just some personal observations. Please read these passages and see what God reveals to you.)

1. Verses 8-12 We are supposed to live in harmony and peace with each other. This can mean being patient and forgiving of those who make insensitive, hurtful or ignorant comments. Colossians 3:12-13 also talks about this. There are also many blessings associated with keeping our speech from becoming negative, evil and insulting. It also helps to remember that we have been forgiven and that we are offered grace when we mess up or say something out of ignorance.

2. Verse 13 says, “Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good?” I noticed that it does not say, “They won’t give you a hard time for being eager to do good.” This is an interesting thought.

3. Verse 14 a Even if you do suffer for doing good, you will still be blessed. This is great news and is a reason for hope!

4. Verse 14 b Here is the part that I like the best, “Do not fear what they fear, do not be frightened”. Fear can be an underlying cause for why many people make negative comments. There are all kinds of fears surrounding adoption and I have heard plenty of them….They are afraid for you (for whatever reason). They are afraid of what they have heard about adoption. They are afraid that you might be getting in over your head. They are afraid that the child you are about to adopt will have all kinds of medical, emotional and psychological problems. They are afraid that you won’t be able to pay for it. They are afraid for the other children in your home. If they are very close to you, they may be afraid of what other people may say to them. They are afraid that if you adopt internationally, orphans and foster children in the U.S. will not find a family. And on and on it goes…FEAR. I take from this passage that we are NOT TO FEAR WHAT THEY FEAR! I guess that this is pretty clear! Following what God’s plan for our lives and getting the direction from His word should be what motivates us, NOT FEAR.

5. Verse 15 a "Be prepared to give as answer for the reason for the hope you have." It seems like hope has the power to neutralize fear. If someone is making negative and fear motivated comments, I guess we are to share with them the reason why we are not afraid…why we have hope. Since your hope comes from the Lord, the response should be the same no matter what the fear is based on or what the circumstance may be.

6. Verse 15 b We are to share this hope with gentleness and respect. This is where it can get really tough, especially if there is very much emotion involved. One example of how this is supposed to work is found in Colossians 4:6 NIV “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Notice that it does not say, “full of salt and seasoned with grace”. I tend to be more of a salt person. I like to load on the salt and skimp on the grace. I can tell you from several unsuccessful experiences that there is a reason why our conversations are to be FULL of grace and SEASONED with salt and not the other way around. Have you ever eaten something that was way too salty? Maybe it was so salty you almost wanted to gag? Well, apparently if we have too much salt in our conversation, it can “gag” the listener. It can leave them with a really bitter “taste”. I had to learn this the hard way. It is also not always what we say, but HOW we say it.

7. Verse 16 a Doing this God’s way leaves you with a clear conscience. This is good news!

8. Verse 16 b At some point, “those who speak maliciously against your good behavior will be ashamed of their slander” (NIV). The New Living Translation puts it this way… “Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ.”

9. Verse 17 If you are going to suffer, at least it is for a good reason.

So what about you? Do you think that some of these principles may work for you? What past responses have you given where you had a “clear conscience”? Have you ever given a response that later you realized was laden with salt? What did you do about it?

One other thought that I would like to leave you with is this. I guess if they do not get it when you explain to them the hope that you have, you can always just tell them that you are crazy. I was listening to Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, “Something Crazy” from his album This Moment tonight on the way to a meeting. I love this song and it fits perfectly here. This song is based off of Luke 15:11-24. Here is the second verse and the chorus….

I know a lady in Uganda, forty kids call her mama
And everybody thought it way crazy
She used to drive a beamer, but I've never seen her
Any happier than she is now
I've met them all around the world, they're the boys and girls
Filled up with the love of the Father

And they know it may seem a little strange
But they just smile and say that's alright'
Cause love puts everything in a different light

And it's crazy when love gets a hold of you
And it's crazy things that love will make you do
And it's crazy but it's true
You really don't know love at all'
Til it's making you do
Something crazy

Sometimes what we do and why we do it will just seem crazy to other people no matter what we say. Just tell them that God’s Love has made you crazy!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

www.Facebook.com/Dillon.International
www.twitter.com/DillonAdoptions

If something is hard, does that mean we should not pursue it?

2010-03-25T13:39:00.002-05:00

Last week some friends of mine were presented with a potential adoption situation. I want to respect this family’s privacy so I will not be able to go into specific details. However, they have given me permission to share some concepts that came up in a conversation we had together. I hope and pray that this can be an encouragement to other families faced with similar circumstances and choices.

This family made a choice to accept a situation that may or may not result in a completed adoption. They have opened their hearts knowing full well that their hearts could be broken. Why would someone open themselves up for potential heartbreak and disappointment? Here is an excerpt from an email that I sent to them regarding the choice they made:
***
Just because something is hard does not mean it is wrong and just because something is easy does not mean it is right. A lot of people in our culture do not seem to understand this concept. I think Christians can sometimes be the worst about this! This seems to be the attitude: "If it is not God's will then it will be really hard, but if it is God's will, things should just coast along very smoothly." In fact, it can be just the opposite. Scripture it is full of situations where the EASY THING was not the RIGHT THING, but the RIGHT THING was the HARDEST THING EVER!

I am not sure where we got this idea that if God is in it or if it is His will, things will just fall into place. I thought this way for many years. I am not sure that is correct all of the time. Here are a few examples out of the hundreds from Scripture: I think that it would have been much easier for Joseph to follow through with his original plan to "put Mary away quietly". But instead he and Mary had to do the hardest thing ever for them in their culture: they chose to stay in their hometown and raise a child that appeared to be "born out of wedlock". They made the choice to live in a small community of family, friends and neighbors where everyone knew everyone else. My guess is that not everyone in the community was accepting and supportive of their choice. I wonder how many times Mary and Joseph had to listen to “comments” or endure “looks”. Wouldn’t it have been so much easier to move to a place where no one knew them or their past?

What about the timeless story of Daniel or the three other Hebrew men in a foreign land? It would have been so much easier to just “go with the flow” and not “rock the boat”. After all, what would people think? They were faced with these choices on several occasions and still they did the hard thing—the right thing. They did not know that the outcome would be favorable for them.

I am certain that you know all of this, but sometimes it just helps to have someone affirm your convictions. I also say this because I do not want you to be surprised if everyone is not excited and supportive of your decision; this includes family members. Even church acquaintances and people who you think are friends may surprise you with their reaction and they may look at you like you are crazy: they may even say it out loud. This can be so hurtful and shocking. I hope it does not happen and I do not want to discourage you; however, do not be surprised. People usually do not congratulate you for making what seems to them like a really stupid decision or a big mistake. However, they are NOT your Holy Spirit!

May God bless you and your family for listening to His call! When you care for the fatherless—whether it is for a day, a week or for a lifetime—it is the RIGHT THING to do. I do not recall James 1:27, instructing us to take care of widows and orphans when it worked out to be convenient for us. We are just supposed to take care of them when they are in distress or in trouble.
***
This is probably one of the most recognized verses about orphans and widows. I thought you might be interested to see what this verse says in a few different translations.

James 1:27 (New International Version)
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27 (New Living Translation)
Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

James 1:27 (New King James Version)
Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

The last part of this verse in the New Living Translation really jumped out at me. I wonder if this verse is affirming what I was talking about in my conversation with my friend. The world says, “Do what is easy and convenient. Go with the flow. Don’t waste your time.” God’s word says (my paraphrase), “Refuse to let the world corrupt you.” Is this telling us to do what is right no matter how hard it is and no matter what it looks like to everyone else? Do not let the culture and the common way of thinking corrupt you. Do the right thing!

There are many ways to do the right thing for orphans and widows. Maybe you need to look at ways you can support an adoptive or foster family. Maybe you should consider adopting. Maybe you need to become friends with a widow and encourage her. Maybe you need to give of your time or finances to help an orphanage. Prayer, emotional and financial support, volunteering, encouragement and serving those in need are just a few ideas. How is God leading you to do the right thing?

Praying for you!
Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Heritage Day in Houston - April 24, 2010

2010-03-17T23:53:00.005-05:00

****Travel the World at the 2010 Heritage Day***

*********************April 24, 2010*******************

Hosted by Dillon & Buckner International
12:00 PM - 4:00 PM
Tallowood Baptist Church
555 Tallowood Drive
Houston, TX

Experience food, music and special entertainment from 5 different countries - China, Ethiopia, Korea, Russia and Vietnam - while fellowshipping with other international adoptive families.

Fee is $10/adult and $5/child with a cap of $30/family
Call 713/278-9213 (ext 2228) with questions or to request a registration form.

What I Learned from Orange Juice

2010-03-10T15:30:00.002-06:00

I just have to say that if I did not have kids, cats and orange juice I probably would not have many stories to tell. Here is what I recently learned from orange juice, not what I learned about orange juice.

Last week I told you that morning in our house is kind of like short track speed skating. It can be very busy, chaotic and stressful. It is especially hard to get our son Simon out of bed in the morning. Simon does not always sleep well as a result of previous cleft palate surgery. Therefore, it does not matter how early he goes to bed, he can be a real bear to get up in the morning.

We struggled with this issue for several months and prayed for a solution. One day I remembered that I heard that giving a child orange juice first thing in the morning helps to get them going in a more positive way. I thought, “Well it cannot hurt”, so I gave it a try. Let me say here that this was a little experiment that I was doing on my own and I neglected to share this information with my husband.

For several weeks I had successfully performed this new daily routine of getting orange juice for Simon. I was in the habit of pouring about two ounces of orange juice into a small cup with a straw but no lid and giving it to Simon while I was trying to get him up. Simon shares a room and bunk bed with one of our older sons. Therefore, I was also in the habit of stepping onto the bottom bunk and holding the cup of orange juice so that Simon could drink it. This plan had been working so well and I was so proud of my latest discovery.

One morning a few weeks ago, my husband had gone to the boys’ room before me to start getting them up. I followed a short time later with the orange juice. When I got into the room, I noticed a small stool beside the bed. I thought, “How convenient! I’ll just step up on that instead of the bottom bunk.” In my semi-sleepy state of mind, I miscalculated the distance from the edge of the stool to the middle of the stool. You may be thinking that I just slipped off the edge of the stool and spilled the orange juice. So what is the big deal? I wish it had been that simple!

I must have had enough momentum when I stepped on the side of the stool that my body flew into the air. I mean I was doing a martial arts move in mid air, with my lower body twisting 180 degrees. For a split second I imagined that I looked like one of those actors in the movies. You know when they move in slow motion in air with a full body twist and kick their legs out? For any of you who have seen the Matrix movies, I thought maybe I looked like “Trinity”. The only difference was that instead of wearing a sleek long black leather coat, I was wearing a long pink fuzzy bathrobe!

My glory days (more like glory split second) were short lived. I woke up to the fact that I was being jerked in mid air by my husband who had grabbed my arm to keep me from falling and really getting hurt. He was yelling, “CHERRI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” I am sure he was concerned about my safety, but I think the main reason he was yelling was because he was stunned and shocked when it began to rain icey orange juice all over the room! He had showered earlier and put on pants to go get the boys. This meant that he received a very significant “sprinkling” of ice cold orange juice all over his bare back!

Why am I telling you this story? Normally I am a very driven, schedule-loving, time-watching, lists-making person. This type of incident could have been viewed as a near catastrophe! This was certainly NOT on my schedule for the day. I now had a huge mess to clean up and I would spend a lot of time shampooing the carpet. HOWEVER, for some reason the whole scene was just too funny to ignore. I could hardly keep from laughing in the presence of my husband. (He did not think that it was that funny.) When he had left the room, I started laughing so hard. It felt so good to just laugh and laugh, especially since it was at my own expense.

So what did I learn from orange juice? I learned that sometimes it is much better to laugh in the midst of a situation that could otherwise send me into orbit. The scene kept playing over and over in my mind as I cleaned up the mess and I just kept smiling.

Sometimes in our lives we are so stressed out, hurried, worried, and stretched to our breaking point. I don’t have to tell you that this is true for an adoption process as well. Any minor inconvenience or delay can send us over the top. I would like to share a couple of Bible verses that are special to me during times like this:

Psalm 94:18-19 (New International Version) 18 When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. 19 When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Proverbs 12:25 (New King James Version) 25 Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.

So what else did I learn from orange juice? I learned that if it is raining orange juice, put on a pink fuzzy bathrobe! I also learned that I am not nearly as cool as I thought I was. When I asked my husband later if I looked like a movie star doing a mid-air Karate move, he rolled his eyes and said, “Not exactly!”

I hope that this has brought some laughter and joy into your day.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

"Adoption Olympics"

2010-02-26T10:07:00.006-06:00

Have you been able to catch any of the winter Olympics this year? For some reason I have always enjoyed watching the winter Olympics more that the summer Olympics. I am not sure why. Maybe it’s because as a kid, I always loved to play in the snow. Maybe it’s because I am more of a cool weather person and I cannot stand to be too hot. Whatever the reason, I am so excited for the chance to watch some of my favorite winter Olympic events. One of my favorites is the short track speed skating. I love the fast pace and unpredictable nature of this sport. It is also not a sport that is typically televised except for the Olympics.

Short track speed skating reminds me of a typical morning at my house trying to get everyone out the door for school and work. There is a lot of jockeying for position (who gets to the bathroom or shower first) along with some elbowing and shoving (who can get to the milk and cereal or juice first). There is always the possibility that if one skater, er…family member goes down, it can cause the rest of the skaters/family members to go down in a chain reaction (a missing backpack, an incomplete assignment, spilled milk on clothes, or other last minute drama of some sort, etc). Can you relate to this visual picture?

Let’s have some fun and see what kinds of Olympic sporting events seem to be a parallel for some part of the adoption process. Let me know which “Adoption Olympic” event that you think you live in currently.

While I am no sports expert, here are some examples that come to mind:

Multi person bob sled (two, three or four): You are one of the people behind the driver. You cannot see anything; all you can do is hold on like crazy and trust the driver to get you safely to the bottom. This is kind of how I felt during some of our adoption processes. God was the driver and I just had to hold on and trust Him.

Cross country skiing: You feel like you are somewhere out in the wilderness and you wonder if you will ever see the finish line.

Slalom: Decision making process (any kind of decision from which country, which agency, can we afford this or not, etc.)…back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, etc until you finally finish the process.

Ski Jumping: You’ve decided to adopt and now you are ready to fly.

Curling: The part of the process where you work, work, work fast and furious, but everything seems to move really slowly. You’ve done all you can now. There is nothing else you can do but pray and wait.

Downhill skiing: This is where you know you are almost there. You can’t quite see the finish line, but it is really close.

The Finish Line: The process is done and your child is home. You are thrilled that all of the years of preparation and sacrifice were truly worth it.

Now it’s your turn! I would love for you to share your thoughts on this.

No matter where you are in the process, remember to let Jesus be the driver and trust Him to guide you safely over the Finish Line.

Enjoy the rest of the 2010 Winter Olympics!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

www.Facebook.com/Dillon.International
www.twitter.com/DillonAdoptions

ATTENTION TEXAS FAMILIES - Host families needed for Russian Angels

2010-02-19T14:40:00.002-06:00

******TEXAS FAMILIES*****

Host families from Texas are still needed for the Angels from Abroad program. Interested families can attend a free interest meeting on March 2nd from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. at the Dillon International Office located on the Buckner Children’s Home Campus, 5200 S. Buckner Blvd., Dallas, Texas.
To attend, families can contact Sharon Hedrick at 214-319-3426 or email shedrick@buckner.org

Details available at http://www.angelsfromabroad.com/.

Adoption Financial Assistance Opportunities-Part 5

2010-02-18T14:12:00.008-06:00

This week I would like to resume the topic of adoption financing options. I also have more organizational tips to share for those who may be applying for mulitple adoption grants and loans.
****************************

Now, let’s get back to the blog series on Adoption Financial Assistance.

God’s Grace Adoption Ministry was founded in 1998 as a non-profit organization for the purpose of assisting Christian families with the expense of adoption. In recent years, help has been provided to families primarily in the form of matching grants. To date, approximately 250 families have benefited from adoption assistance through GGAM. God’s Grace Adoption Ministry has helped families all over the United States as well as a few from other countries.

GGAM is an all volunteer organization, so nearly all adoption donations go to assist adoptive families. Preference is given to families that demonstrate financial need, are actively pursuing funding options, and are facing significant adoption expenses. Funding commitments are made every other month and typically result in 3-5 families receiving commitments.

The inspiration to start an adoption ministry came after the founders, Darin Denlinger and his wife, Fran, completed their first adoption. They experienced first-hand the challenging financial commitment and saw many children needing a forever home. They named their daughter “Grace” and it was through her adoption that God planted the seeds for God’s Grace Adoption Ministry. For more information, you can email Darin Denlinger, President of GGAM, at http://www.ggam.org/

Ava’s Hope was founded in 2005 by Rachael Henry and her husband. They have been able to help approximately twenty families with financial assistance for international adoptions. Unfortunately, they have not had much success with recent fundraisers. They are currently working on a children’s book on international adoption which should be out by this summer. All of the proceeds from the book will go toward adoption grants but in the interim they do not anticipate having any funds available for grants. You can sign up to receive email alerts when new information or grants become available at http://www.avashope.org/

****Organization Tips Continued****

LETTERS OF REFERENCE: You will also need letters of reference from your pastor, a co-worker or employer, a neighbor or friend, a mentor or small group leader. Think about who you would ask to write your letters, then ask them if they would be willing to write a letter. Some of the foundations ask for specific things. However, if you can give them a short list of the things that need to be mentioned in the letter, they could write a generic letter addressing all of the areas. It could be addressed "To Whom It May Concern:" with a Month and Year date and not a specific date. This way you can copy it multiple times and you won't have to keep asking them to write another letter every time you apply for a new adoption grant.

NOTE: If you plan to apply for very many grants or loans, here are a few suggestions. I would recommend gathering all of the documents that need to be copied (for example: tax returns, home study, and letters of reference) and taking them to an inexpensive copy place and making at least 10-15 copies of each. If you have a good home copier/scanner, you may be able do this at home, but utilizing a commercial copy center may save time and frustration in the long run. Try to copy as much information on both sides of each sheet of paper which will save you some postage in the end.

ENVELOPES: You will need to purchase a set of business sized envelopes 10 X 13 (or the nearest size). You will need this size to accommodate all of the paperwork that you will need to send.

MORE ORGANIZATIONAL TIPS:

1. Look up all grants and loans. Make a special adoption folder on your computer with several sub-folders, one for grants and one for loans. Then make a folder for each grant and save all of the applications in each organization’s folder.
2. Print applications.
3. Organize applications in order by due date.
4. Gather needed documents to copy. (Tax returns, letters of reference, financial paperwork, etc.)
5. Make ten to fifteen copies of each.
6. File all of the documents in that special expandable file I told you about in a previous post. (I like a fairly sturdy expandable-type file that I can slip papers into and out of easily.)
7. Get your budget/cash flow and net worth spreadsheets ready so that you can easily transfer the info to the applications.
8. Work on your first application. I would re-state the questions asked in a word document, and then answer them on the same document. This way you can save your document and print it out to send in. This will also allow you the chance to use this same info later on other applications. Again this will save some time later if you can copy and paste what you need into a specific application.
9. Double check an application’s check list and due dates. Some have a specific “due date” while others have a “post marked by” date.
10. Please remember to sign everything that needs a signature and make sure to have your spouse do the same.
11. Make a copy of all your completed applications for your own records.

I HOPE ALL OF THIS HELPS BRING ANOTHER CHILD HOME!!

Cherri

cherri@dillonadopt.com
www.Facebook.com/Dillon.International
www.twitter.com/DillonAdoptions

What is Lunar New Year? & Dillon International’s Lunar New Year Benefit Dinner

2010-02-12T09:58:00.007-06:00

I have three Asian children so you would think that I know all about Asian culture and the origins of the traditional celebrations. Well, I am somewhat ashamed to say that I do not. Therefore, I decided to find out about some of the origins for the Lunar New Year Celebrations. I am sure that I have breezed through this info somewhere before, but here it is again in writing for those of you who are in the same boat as me. I am by no means an expert in this area. I just wanted to offer some fun and interesting items that I found on this subject. So here goes…

The origin of the Lunar New Year Festival can be traced back thousands of years. Chinese New Year is the first day of the lunar calendar, so it is also called the Lunar New Year. It is also referred to as the Spring Festival since it is the beginning of the Spring term, which is the first term of the 24 terms on the lunar calendar.

Since this holiday can be traced back thousands of years in Chinese history, it involves a series of colorful legends and traditions. One of the most famous legends is Nian, an extremely cruel and ferocious beast that the ancients believed would devour people on New Year's Eve. In order to keep Nian away, people would light torches, paste red-paper couplets (Chinese good luck sayings written on red paper)on doors and set off firecrackers throughout the night. They did this because they believed that Nian was afraid of the light of the fire, the color red and loud noises. Early the next morning, the people would celebrate that they had successfully kept Nian away for another year. They would greet each other with a popular greeting "gong xi fa cai", or "congratulations." Then people started to observe and celebrate Chinese New Year. The word "Nian" now has the same meaning as Chinese New Year. People often use the term "Guo Nian", which may originally have meant "passed or survived the Nian." Now everyone loves Guo Nian.

Chinese New Year is the main holiday of the year for more than one quarter of the world’s population. Although the People’s Republic of China uses the Gregorian calendar for civil purposes, a special Chinese calendar is used for determining festivals. Various Chinese communities around the world also use this calendar. Many historians believe that the Chinese started to celebrate Chinese New Year from about 2000 BC. However, some of the celebrations were held at different times under different emperors. They started to celebrate Chinese New Year on the first day of the lunar calendar based on Emperor Wu Di's almanac of the Han Dynasty.

The lunar calendar is represented by twelve animals. Each year is represented by one animal. This year is the year of the tiger. The twelve animals in order are: rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, ram, monkey, rooster, dog and pig. The Chinese zodiac is also based on the 12 animals.

Dillon’s Annual Lunar New Year Benefit Celebrates The Year of the Tiger.

Dillon International hosted its annual Lunar New Year Benefit Dinner on January 31st this year. The proceeds from each year’s benefit are directed to help children all over the world. This year’s benefit was attended by 340 people. Some of the highlights of the event were the processional of adopted children dressed in their birth land’s costumes and Becky Wright, an award-winning Christian artist, who sang several songs for guests. Since this year was Year of the Tiger, an 8-week old kitten was auctioned during the live auction which went for over $400. A special video of Gladys Thomas, who is Dillon’s partner in Haiti, was also presented during the evening. Gladys shared about what has been done to help the earthquake victims thus far. You can see the video here.

Thanks to the generosity of so many sponsors and guests almost $90,000 was raised by the Lunar New Year Benefit dinner this year to help homeless children all around the world, of which $14,000 was raised with the silent and live auctions!

We would also like to send out a great big “THANK YOU” to everyone for their hard work in planning and organizing this event to make it such a great success!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

HELP FOR HAITI-What can you do?

2010-01-31T15:31:00.004-06:00

So many times after a horrific disaster like the one in Haiti, we all want to “do something.” Although we have been told that the best thing we can do right now is to donate cash, many of us still want to help out in a very tangible way.

I can remember a time when my family and I were so grateful for the tangible demonstration of love and support. My parent’s home burned down to the ground several years ago and I felt such a deep and agonizing sense of loss. This was not only my parents’ house, but also the home that I grew up in and where I had made so many family memories. It was so surreal standing there looking into the ashes when my eye caught a glimpse of the pieces of mattress springs that used to be my parents’ bed. The fire had been started by lightning in the wee hours of the morning at the time when my parents would have been fast asleep. Thankfully, they were staying the night at my house when lightning struck the house and the fire started, so they were safe with our family. Other than what they had in an overnight bag, they totally lost EVERYTHING.

I can remember how grateful they were for even the smallest of things like a tooth brush, tooth paste, soap and a wash cloth. It was family and friends gathering around them and “doing something” that helped them through this very dark time. Their lives were even touched by strangers who heard their story. They gradually came out of the darkness and gained new hope again. The Savior was holding their hands and walking with them through this terrible ordeal. God’s children were surely the hands and feet of Jesus as they ministered to my parents and my family. I am glad that these people took the time to “do something.”

Are you looking for a tangible way to show you care about the families and orphans of Haiti?

Do you wish that you could show Jesus’ love to hurting people who have lost so much?

Would you like to get your community, church or family involved with a “hands on” project?

There is a way!

Buckner International, with whom Dillon International is affiliated, is collecting medical supplies , new clothing, tents, blankets, shoes, hygiene kits and other items to send to Haiti's earthquake victims. "One of our biggest needs is for hygiene kits," said Matt Asato, Buckner’s director of humanitarian aid. Each“Relief Hygiene Kit” fulfills immediate needs for basic hygiene products.

Complete hygiene kits include the following items:
* Hand towel
* Wash cloth
* Toothpaste (4.6 oz or larger)
* Toothbrush (in original package)
* Bar of soap (in original package)
* Comb
* Wet wipes
* Shampoo
* Bandages (travel size or larger)
* Tissues - 2 travel pack sizes
* Feminine hygiene products (18 or more in a pack)

To collect and send kits, fill two-gallon sized Ziploc bags with the items listed above and mail or drop them off at the Buckner Center for Humanitarian Aid, located at 5405 Shoe Drive, Mesquite, Texas 75149. You can also call the Buckner Center at 214-328-7463 to schedule a time to drop off the kits that you and/or a group have collected.

Please note that Dillon is not equipped to accept these items on Buckner’s behalf.

Other items being collected by the Buckner Center include new clothing, shoes, socks, tents, blankets, baby food, and new medical supplies.

To download a complete list, click here

Buckner is filling four shipping containers with the supplies and will begin shipping the containers as they are filled to Haiti for distribution within the next couple of weeks. Aid will be distributed through the Foundation for the Children of Haiti’s Hope Hospital, which is directed by Gladys Thomas. Hope Hospital has been receiving many casualties from the Port au Prince community as a result of the quake. The Foundation also has three orphanages nearby caring for children ranging in ages from infant through school-aged. Dillon International has worked with Thomas since 1991 finding homes for Haitian children living in the orphanages with U.S. adoptive families.

Thank you for your generosity and prayers for the people of Haiti.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

ATTENTION-CANCELATION

2010-01-27T19:09:00.004-06:00

Due to the empending bad weather for the northern half of Arkansas which is suppose to start tomorrow/tomorrow night, we have decided to cancel the Adoption Information Meeting that is scheduled for tomorrow night (Thursday, January 28, 2010) in Springdale, Arkansas.

If you have any questions, please call or email the Dillon Arkansas Office. Voice: 501-791-9300 Email: dillonAr@dillonadopt.com

HAITI...Some Questions and Answers

2010-01-21T18:16:00.007-06:00

If you are like me, you have been stunned and consumed with pain for the Haitian people over this last week. I just cannot get it off of my mind. Therefore, I will postpone the adoption financing series for a little while longer. If you are in urgent need of adoption financing ideas or a resource list, please email me at cherri@dillonadopt.com

I have had a million and one questions going through my head about this. Many of you do as well, so I thought I would try to answer some of them here.

What about all of the newly orphaned children in Haiti?
Dillon International has received literally hundreds of calls about this tragedy. Families are calling to ask what they can do to help and about the welfare and future of Haiti’s orphans. We greatly appreciate all of the families who want to respond by offering to open their homes and adopt these children in their hour of need. As in any disaster of this magnitude, the children who may have been orphaned because of the earthquake would not become available for international adoption for at least 1-2 years to allow time to be reunited with their displaced family members. This is a first priority!

What about all the orphans in Haiti waiting to be adopted? I have been watching the various news sources to see how the Haitian and U.S. governments would respond to this overwhelming need. The United States State Department has issued something called Humanitarian Parole for the Haitian orphans who were already in process of being adopted and for the children who had been referred for adoption prior to the earthquake. There are still many questions and logistics that need to be worked out for the remaining orphans that do not fall into these two categories listed above. For additional information, please read the US State Department's notice regarding Children Affected by Natural Disasters and the announcement from Secretary Napolitano regarding
Humanitarian Parole Policy for Certain Haitian orphans

Dillon has a special web page that will be updated as more information becomes available. You will be able to find information on the status of adoptions from Haiti http://www.dillonadopt.com/Haiti-a.htm or you can find information on how you can donate to the orphanages Dillon supports in Haiti. http://www.dillonadopt.com/Haiti-Aid.htm

What about orphans in the rest of the world?
There is so much worldwide attention focusing on Haiti right now it might be easy to forget that there are still over 140 million orphans worldwide. While the situation in Haiti is dire, we at Dillon International would like for you to remember that there are many precious children from all over the world that are still waiting for their forever family right now. We will never understand why God allows things like this to happen, but we much remember that “His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts higher than our thoughts.” God is bigger than this terrible tragedy! Could it be that God is using this traumatic event to help “wake up” the world to the huge needs of orphans everywhere?

What if you believe that God may be calling you to adopt? Have you considered that it might not be for an orphan from Haiti at this time? I know that in my life there have been many times that something happened that created a strong conviction in my heart. Even though I was not able to act on that conviction at that time, God was preparing me and softening my heart for blessings He had planned for my future. Many things happen in our lives that are just equipping us to handle the next challenge that comes our way. It is sort of like building a pyramid. The bottom seemed hard until you worked on the second level. The second level seemed hard until you worked on the third and so on. My life is a whole series of these types of events. What about yours? Can you see how God was preparing you for something months or years in advance? Have you ever thought to yourself, “Wow, I never could have handled this if I hadn’t already experienced that?” So what I am saying is this: “Please keep your heart and options open to children from all around the world.”

What if you are not able to adopt? Would you please consider sponsoring a child through Dillon’s orphanCare program? For more information about this option go to Dillon’s orphanCare site. http://www.orphancareintl.org/

What if you cannot adopt or sponsor an orphan? Will you please pray for all orphans worldwide? Pray that they will find supernatural comfort from God, our Father. Pray that all of their needs (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and a forever family) will be met. Pray that God will use the awful events in Haiti to bring good to some many hurting people, especially the orphans!

Praying with you,

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

www.Facebook.com/Dillon.International
www.twitter.com/DillonAdoptions

HAITI

2010-01-14T14:52:00.002-06:00

I originally wrote a blog piece for this week on Tuesday afternoon. This was obviously before the earthquake hit Haiti. Although the topic of adoption financing is very important, I believe that focusing on helping the suffering of our fellow humankind is just more important at this time. I will continue the series on adoption financing later on. We at Dillon International wish to extend our deepest sympathies and heartfelt prayers to the people of Haiti and to those families who are currently in the adoption process for a child from Haiti. Dillon International has set up a special web page so that you can find out what is going on with Gladys Thomas, the Director of Dillon’s Programs in Haiti, and how you can make a donation to help in this great time of need. Please click here www.dillonadopt.com/Haiti-A.htm

Adoption Financial Assistance-Part 4

2010-01-07T21:32:00.006-06:00

I hope you had a memorable and safe start to the New Year. We had a lot of fun with family that we don’t get to see that often. I was able to go through several years of family photographs and get them in an album. (Not that I am twelve years behind on these or anything…shhhh! Don’t tell…actually my husband already knows. The cabinet that holds the twelve plus years of photos is one of the items that I told you about last week he had to move during our “rearrangement” and “replacement” experience!)

I don’t know about you, but even though I love the holiday season, I am always ready to get back to a “normal” schedule. I have a theory about how long it takes to get everyone back into the normal routine after a long break. This is my theory. It takes at least one day for every week that the kids are out of school to get them re-adjusted back to the regular schedule. So for example, we were out of school for two weeks, it will take everyone at least two days to get back with the program. This theory seems to hold true after summer break also. It seems to take the longest since they are out approximately ten to twelve weeks. Have you found this to be true in your family? If you have another theory, I would love for you to share it! What are some things that you do that seem to help with the process of getting your family back into a routine?

Let’s get back to the adoption financing options series. Here are this week’s highlighted foundations.

Kinsman Redeemer was founded in 2008. To date, they have awarded adoption grants totaling $35,300. Twelve families have received assistance from Kinsman Redeemer. Most of their board members are adoptive parents and so they understand the financial challenges, costs and sacrifices required to pursue adoption. Kinsman Redeemer gives preference to families who have a demonstrated financial need and who have personally invested some of their own resources to bring their child(ren) home. Kinsman Redeemer provides grants from $1,000 to $7,000 to Christian adoptive couples living in or with family ties to Missouri. For more information check out their website or email kinsmanredeemer2@gmail.com

Gift of Adoption Fund was founded in 1996. More than 600 families have received adoption assistance with their help. They plan to award 100 grants this year. Their focus is on giving children in need of families a chance to thrive. They do not consider an applicant’s religion, race, marital status, age, etc. in determining grant awards. They focus on families who are qualified, demonstrate financial need and have shown a commitment to funding the adoption on their own. Gift of Adoption will also accept grant requests from families who are adopting from non-Hague Convention countries provided that the adoptions are facilitated by a COA-accredited agency (such as Dillon International). A full listing of COA-accredited agencies can be found on the U.S. State Department's Intercountry Adoption website .

Gift of Adoption Fund awards grants on a monthly basis. They strive to make donors feel great about moving children in need into a safe and loving home and on their way to a promising and stable future. They promote the concept that “You don't have to adopt to give a child a family.” Gift of Adoption Fund is a national charitable organization that inspires adoption by providing grants to qualified parents – giving children who need families a permanent home and a chance to thrive.

Organization Tips

PERSONAL FAMILY BUDGET/MONTHLY CASH FLOW: You will need to make sure you have a working and current family budget. I put ours on a spreadsheet so that I could just print one out every time an application asked for cash flow. (NOTE: A Child Waits Foundation will only accept applications on THEIR FORMS. Most other places do not care if the information is on their form or not as long as the information requested is provided.)

NET WORTH: Once again I put ours on a spreadsheet to make it easier. They will want to see a detailed listing of all your debt and assets, then a calculation of net worth. (This is of course a mixed blessing. If you have nothing, you might qualify for a grant. But if you have nothing, you still have nothing!)

MOTIVATION TO ADOPT: Most foundations will also ask for some sort of statement about your reasons for wanting to adopt or wanting to adopt "this particular child." If you do not have a referral when you apply, you will only be able to provide general information. If, however, you have a referral or are adopting a waiting child, you might be able to list the information that was provided in the referral paperwork. One word of caution here: I listed the very specific diagnoses that our daughter had with a brief explanation of the medical terms to submit with our grant and loan applications. Each foundation should keep this information confidential. This specific information, however, is not information that you should include on your blog or letters that you might send out to family, friends or neighbors. Because of privacy issues, you need to stay as general as possible and still make your point. In our applications, I listed each of the thirteen conditions, issues/diagnoses that our daughter had, but in our letter to family and friends, I just said something like, “she had several life threatening issues at birth that could have been very detrimental.”

That’s all for this week. I still have a lot more information and tips, so join me again next week. Try to stay warm wherever you are!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com
www.Facebook.com/Dillon.International
www.twitter.com/DillonAdoptions

Adoption Financial Assistance-Part 3

2009-12-31T10:24:00.005-06:00

I hope that you were able to enjoy the company of your precious family and friends during this Christmas season. My family has had a rather eventful holiday “break” so far. Thankfully we are all still alive and well, but we have not really had a break just yet. With eight people living under one roof, there is bound to be some excitement from time to time. All of our events are somewhat humorous now so I will share in hopes that it will bring some laughter into your day. If you don’t need a good laugh then you can skip down to the real topic of this blog.

We completely moved and rearranged three rooms in our house. This included moving three sets of beds, a hide-a-bed (very heavy), computer desk (very large), book shelves and all kinds of miscellaneous boxes and furniture. We did this to accommodate our daughter who is a sophomore in college and has discovered that it really IS cheaper to live at home and drive 15 miles to college. Thankfully, I have a husband and a son who have forgiven me for changing my mind on the location of the 500 pound hide-a-bed and computer desk. After they hauled them up two flights of stairs, I decided that I wanted them back where they came from. Oops! (I still got a few gifts on Christmas)

On Christmas Eve we had lunch at my brother’s home which is about two and a half hours from my home. We planned to leave there and get home before the snow storm hit. WRONG!! We left in time, but the problem was that the storm moved in earlier than predicted. Soooo, we got to drive the last 50 miles in ice, fog, sleet changing to snow and then blizzard-like conditions. To make matters worse my husband was driving our oldest daughter’s car which is almost twenty years old. The age of the car was not the problem. The problem was that the defroster barely worked and he had to stop to get the ice off the windshield multiple times to try to see out of a four inch in diameter hole. (We were not aware that the defroster did not work or we would have made other travel arrangements.)

Finally it was Christmas day! We had a beautiful white Christmas with about twelve inches of snow that had blown and drifted everywhere. We were officially snowed in, but we did not care. We did not have anywhere to go. It was a wonderful Christmas morning with lots of laughs, pictures and memories. Around 5 PM, my fifteen-year-old son and I began feeling very ill. I will spare you the explicit details of what followed, but let’s just say that by 11 PM, my son and I were worse and becoming quite dehydrated. At this point my husband decided to go shovel the eighteen inches of snow drifts out of the driveway and try to take us to the emergency room of our local hospital. Several hours later we were home feeling much better and determined that we must have had a reaction to a preservative that was in our lunchtime meal.

I hope that your Christmas was more relaxing than mine. Mine was memorable to say the least! I guess I just wanted to point out that even in times like these we can find something to be thankful for. I am thankful for urgent care and hospital emergency rooms that are staffed 24/7. I am thankful that I have a home with rooms and that I have furniture to move. I am thankful that we have a driveway that we have to shovel. I am thankful for a reliable vehicle even if the defroster is compromised. Most of all I am thankful for the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and His constant blessing and protection for my family!

What in the world does all of this have to do with adoption financing? Well, I guess the answer is that I am also thankful for all of the adoption financing options that are available today. Without the vision and generosity of so many individuals, none of our three adoptions would have been possible. My life would just not be the same! My family would not be able to share all of these life events with the three Asian Angels who bless our home.

This week let’s look at a few more adoption grants.

Our Creator’s Hope was founded in 2008. Three families have received a grant for $1,000 each. They offer grants to Christian families pursuing domestic and international adoptions when funds are available. Our Creator’s Hope maintains a zero percent overhead cost so that all of their funds go towards adoption grants. They do not have an income limit for families who apply. Check out their blog for the latest information.

Help Us Adopt was founded in 2007 by Becky and Kipp Fawcett in response to their own struggle with infertility and their adoption journey. So far this organization has been able to help 31 families with adoption assistance. Helpusadopt.org supports all types of adoption---domestic, international, foster care and special needs. There is no marriage requirement for this grant program. Helpusadopt.org is currently accepting applications for their June 2010 round of grants. They will be awarding $50,000 and all of their information and the application can be found on their website.

I also promised that I would share more organizational tips that I discovered while applying for adoption grants. Most of the foundations want similar information from applicant families. I found that it was worth my time to type up and save answers asked on one application and then make any needed adjustments for the next application. Below are a few of the items of documentation that will most likely be required with each application.

ORGANIZATION:

First you should get some sort of a paper filing system that you will use exclusively for adoption grant and loan applications. Allow for all of the documents and copies of documents that will accompany the applications. A large expandable folder could work, but make sure it is not too flimsy. I also made folders and sub-folders on my computer so that I could easily access any applications and information that needed to be printed.

DOCUMENTS NEEDED:

HOME STUDY: I mentioned this last week, but I want to add that we copied our home study on both sides of the paper to save paper and bulk for mailing. While you are making copies, you may want to make several copies if you plan to apply for several grants. I made ten to fifteen copies of any documentation that would stay the same for each application.

TAX RETURNS: Every grant application that I have ever seen requires copies of your last two years of tax returns. Most of them wanted the first two pages and not the entire return. You may come across an application that asks for additional years, but two years seemed to be the norm. This is another set of documents that you may want to copy multiple times to save time later.

TESTIMONIES AND STATEMENT OF FAITH: Many adoption grant foundations are Christian based and require testimonies and statements of faith from each adoptive parent. We used our testimonies from our autobiographies that we submitted with our adoption application. We copied and pasted the relevant information, made appropriate adjustments and added information as needed. This also saved us a lot of time because we did not have to retype the same thing time and again.

I think that I have given you enough to think about for this week. Next week I will continue to highlight even more financial resources for adoption. Don’t forget that I will also share more documents that you will need for applications as well as more organizational tips. My list is pretty long, so I hope you will make plans to join me next week!

Have a safe and Happy New Year!

Cherri

cherri@dillonadopt.com
www.Facebook.com/Dillon.International
www.twitter.com/DillonAdoptions

Adoption Financial Assistance-Part 2

2009-12-18T12:54:00.004-06:00

Christmas is only a week away! Yikes! Do you have your shopping done yet? I hope you are able to take a few minutes to focus on the birth of our Savior during this busy time of year.

This week I would like to continue highlighting some of the financial assistance opportunities that are available for adoptive families. I would like to tell you more about Dillon International’s Building Families Fund and Show Hope.

Dillon International’s Building Families Fund was established in 1994 by several of Dillon’s adoptive families who wanted to share their joy in adoption with other families who might not have the financial resources to realize their dream of building a family. They created the fund to help families who qualify for financial assistance with their adoption expenses. Additionally the fund is used to give special grants for children who may be hard to place because of special needs, serious needs or because they are an older child.

The Building Families Fund can also be used to help children with surgeries in their home country or to help families afford necessary medical care for their adopted children who may have special needs after the child comes home.

Over 350 children/Dillon families have been helped through this fund since it was established. This fund is only available to families who are adopting through Dillon International.

Dillon’s Building Families Fund is always in need of funding. There are many children who need assistance that the fund helps to provide. It helps children being adopted in every country in which Dillon works.

Show Hope was established in 2003 as Shaohannah’s Hope by Christian recording artist Steven Curtis Chapman and his wife Mary Beth. They named foundation after their first adopted daughter. Initially they founded Show Hope out of their desire to see more children find their way into forever families. To date Show Hope has helped over 2,000 families with adoption financial assistance grants. The grant application is available online on the Show Hope website.

The ministry of Shaohannah’s Hope grew and the founders soon believed God was calling them beyond adoption assistance into other avenues of orphan care. To reflect the increased scope of ministry, the name was changed to Show Hope in 2009 and an orphan care facility in China dedicated to orphans with special needs was opened. Show Hope is committed to engaging the church to care for orphans and reducing the financial barriers to adoption through these three areas:

a) Adoption Aid: providing waiting orphans with loving families by financially assisting adoptive couples through adoption aid grants.

b) Orphan Care: participating in orphan care projects that address the holistic needs of orphans—physically, emotionally and spiritually, with the ultimate goal of helping to place the child in the best permanent situation possible, ideally a forever family.

c) Getting Involved: mobilizing individuals and communities to care for orphans through Show Hope’s Adoption Aid and Orphan Care programs.

Over the course of our three international adoptions I have filled out enough paperwork to probably sink a battleship! A fair amount of that paperwork was for adoption grants and a few loans. I have learned a few things through those experiences that I would like to share. I hope that these tips will make this process just a little bit easier for those of you who may need to apply for as much financial assistance as possible for your adoption.

1. Do not believe everything that you hear or read on forums/support groups. Here is why I say this. We received one of the very first Shaohannah’s Hope grants with our first adoption. Somewhere between our first and second adoption I “heard” or thought I read somewhere that they would only give a grant to a family one time. I assumed that this meant ONE TIME only, period. So I did not even bother to apply for our second adoption. When we were working on our third adoption and running out of options for financial assistance, I called them one day and asked if this was true. They told me that a family may apply only once during the same adoption process. If a family qualifies for a grant during each individual adoption process, they could receive a grant each time. Boy, did I ever kick myself for not asking the source directly when I heard the information!

2. Home Study. Even though some families struggle to pay for any part of an adoption, most foundations that offer adoption financial assistance require that a family have a completed home study. The completed home study must accompany the family’s other grant application documents. There are very few exceptions to this rule. I can only think of one or maybe two foundations that allow a family to apply for a grant during any phase of an adoption process.

Please join me in two weeks for the continuation of this series. Next time I will plan to feature more adoption grant foundations and share more of the organizational tips that I discovered. After filling out dozens of grant applications, I began to notice a recurring list of documents and information that each foundation was requesting. I finally sat down and typed up a two-page document that lists all of this “stuff” hoping that it would save someone else a ton of time someday.

So until next time, I pray that you will have a blessed and safe Merry Christmas!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com
www.Facebook.com/Dillon.International
www.twitter.com/DillonAdoptions

Adoption Financial Assistance Opportunities-Part 1

2009-12-11T13:56:00.008-06:00

I hope that you are enjoying the beauty and blessing of this season! This week I would like to begin a series highlighting some of the financial assistance opportunities that are available for adoptive families.

When our family began our first adoption journey over seven years ago, obtaining the finances to pay for the adoption seemed like the biggest obstacle we faced. I began to research adoption financial assistance opportunities. We are so grateful that we were blessed with several adoption grants during our three international adoptions. I am so thankful that God has touched the hearts of so many people to set up foundations to offer financial assistance to adoptive families. Over the years, I have continued to do research to keep a current list of available resources. I am amazed at all of the opportunities that did not exist seven or eight years ago.

Over the next several weeks I hope to feature a variety of adoption financial assistance sources. I would like to share information on adoption grants, loans and fundraisers. This week I would like to feature LifeSong for Orphans and Both Hands Foundation.

Lifesong for Orphans
began funding adoptions in 2004. Since then, approximately 1,100 children have been adopted with the help of Lifesong Matching Grants or Interest-Free Loans. Every dollar that is donated towards families’ adoptions gets allocated to adoption funding (NO administrative fee/costs are deducted). Lifesong also helps churches create Church Adoption Funds at no cost to the church. Click here for more information on how to establish a Church Adoption Fund in your church.

For complete details on how to apply for a Lifesong matching grant or interest-free loan, please visit the Lifesong website.

Both Hands Foundation,
One for the Widow, One for the Orphan

This is a relatively new organization and I am SO excited about the fundraising possibilities with this opportunity. After I read through their website and watched the stories of families who have been helped by this cause, I kept thinking, “Why in the world didn’t someone think of this before now!! This is so AWESOME!!”

Both Hands Foundation was established in 2008 by J.T. Olson. The organization was born out of a vision to help raise funds for families desiring to adopt orphans while helping widows in a practical way with their housing repair needs. The foundation has been able to help raise funds for approximately eighteen adoptive families so far with its unique fundraising approach. Founder J.T. Olson explains, “The thing I didn't expect was the excitement a widow feels when she 'gets it'...that her situation is being used to help a family have a child. There is a whole new layer of God's love showing itself when that happens. An almost Grandmother-type emotion starts to take hold and she has ownership in
this baby.”

J.T. Olson and his wife have five children. Their youngest Gracie was adopted from China at age seventeen months. He was not on board with the idea of his family adopting at first, but his family was persistent. He finally said, “What’s wrong with using your life savings to save a life?”

LifeSong for Orphans and Both Hands Foundation have partnered together on this awesome fundraising project which will help widows and orphans at the same time. To learn more click here:

Dillon International has an entire webpage dedicated to Financing an Adoption. For more information, please follow this link.

I would love to hear from any of you who have received financial miracles or blessings for your adoptions. Please feel free to share this info with other adoptive families who may need it.

REMEMBER, next week I plan to feature more foundations that help offer financial assistance to adoptive families, including Dillon International’s Building Families Fund! Our family was blessed by this fund to assist with our adoptions. We are incredibly thankful for all of the generous donors to this fund!

Have a blessed week!
Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com
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Positive Adoption Language

2009-12-03T14:42:00.028-06:00

Hey, have you watched the new TV show called “Find My Family”? Only a couple of episodes have aired so far. Regardless of how you feel about the show, I mention it because while watching it there were a few terms used on the show that made me cringe just a bit. It made me realize how much education still needs to be done in the area of positive adoption language. While some outside of the adoption community may not realize the implications of certain terminology, there can be a lasting stigma associated with negative terminology. This is quite puzzling to me given the fact that we live in such a politically correct society.

Adoptive Families Magazine has an article that lists some commonly used adoption terms and compares them with other terms that have a more positive implication. Here is the article.

**Positive Adoption Language
The way we talk—and the words we choose—say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important, but one is not more important than the other.

Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you’ll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of innuendo.
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Positive Language...............Negative Language
Birthparent................................Real parent
Biological parent.......................Natural parent
Birth child..................................Own child
My child.....................................Adopted child; Own child
Born to unmarried parents......Illegitimate
Terminate parental rights........Give up
Make an adoption plan.............Give away
To parent....................................To keep
Waiting child ..................Adoptable child; available child
Biological or birthfather...........Real father
Making contact with.................Reunion
Parent........................................Adoptive parent
Intercountry adoption..............Foreign adoption
Adoption triad...........................Adoption triangle
Permission to sign a release.....Disclosure
Search.........................................Track down parents
Child placed for adoption.........An unwanted child
Court termination......................Child taken away
Child with special needs............Handicapped child
Child from abroad......................Foreign child
Was adopted...............................Is adopted
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Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. When a TV movie talks about a "custody battle" between "real parents" and "other parents," society gets the wrong impression that only birthparents are real parents and that adoptive parents aren’t real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are "battles."

Positive adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. We choose emotionally "correct" words over emotionally-laden words. We speak and write in positive adoption language with the hopes of impacting others so that this language will someday become the norm.

**Reprinted with permission from Adoptive Families Magazine. For more articles like this one, to subscribe, or to sign up for the AF e-newsletter, visit Adoptive Families online, www.AdoptiveFamilies.com

There has been some differing opinions about “Find My Family” TV series. If you want to read more about how other families feel about this series, you can read this article written by Martha Osborne of Rainbow Kids by following this link: http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=684

If you are like me and you are disturbed by the use of negative adoption language in this show, you can contact ABC at this link and share your concerns. I would encourage you to be respectful in what you say. Remember we are trying to improve the image of adoption! This link will take you to an online form that you fill out with your name, select the TV show and then share your comments. http://abc.go.com/site/contact-us

Tom Forman who has produced “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” is the executive producer for “Find My Family.”

The show is also produced by RelativityReal and RDF USA.
http://www.rdfusa.com/about.php

I hope you will begin to incorporate these positive language terms into your vocabulary. If we all work together, we can make a positive difference!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Thanksgiving ABC's

2009-11-25T12:56:00.004-06:00

Let’s focus on the things that we are thankful for this week. I decided to see what I could come up with if I listed some of the things I am thankful for, using the ABC’s as a guide. After you read my list, I encourage you to make a list of your own. I would love to see how creative you can be. Others may be inspired by your list, so please post it in the comments if you feel comfortable doing so.

Adoption…I am thankful that adoption was God’s idea. We have experienced the miracle of adoption three times. I have personally been adopted into God’s forever family.

Babies…I am thankful that God allows us a glimpse of His love and handiwork in the face of a baby.

Computer…This is very superficial, but I am thankful for a good computer that works so that I can carry on with work that is very fulfilling for me.

Dancing…I am thankful for the spontaneous and uninhibited dancing of toddlers and young children.

Energy…I am thankful that God has given me the energy to keep up with my family and work that I love.

Favorite…I am thankful for the opportunity to hear our two year old say the word “favorite”. It is just one of the cutest words she says.

God…I am thankful for God and God alone, for His infinite care and wisdom.

Hope…I am thankful that I have hope in what can be a terrifying and depressing world.

Impact…I am thankful for the impact that my parents and other godly individuals had on my life.

Jesus…I am thankful that He died for my sins and I can be assured of life eternal with Him.

Keepsakes…I am thankful for keepsakes that remind me of precious life events.

Lawyers…I am thankful for the lawyers that helped us to finalize our adoptions.

Medicine…I am thankful for the people who have used their education and intelligence to make medications that help improve the quality of some of our children’s lives and help to bring healing when they are sick.

Nighttime…I am thankful for nighttime when I can get some rest.

Organizations…I am thankful for organizations that help to take care of the poor, widows and orphans.

Pain…I am thankful for pain (not at the time, but later). Pain helps us to learn lessons and protect us from future danger.

Quiet…I am thankful for moments of quiet when I can relax and meditate on God’s word.

Refinement…I am thankful that God continues to refine me day by day, experience by experience.

Sacrifice…I am thankful that we are called to sacrifice sometimes. It helps us to keep life in perspective and promote an attitude of gratitude.

Transportation…I am thankful that we live in a time of amazing transportation. Many of the things that I have experienced in my life would not have been possible without modern transportation.

Unconditional…I am thankful for God’s unconditional love for us.

Volunteers…I am thankful for volunteers in all areas of life. There are many things that we take for granted that are made possible because of volunteers.

Wisdom…I am thankful that God grants us wisdom when we ask for it.

eXcellent…I am thankful that I can work with an excellent organization like Dillon International.

Yearning…Yearning in my soul to live for the Lord.

Zeal…The definition of zeal is…enthusiasm, determination, perseverance, initiative, and diligence, “stick to-itiveness”. I am thankful that God grants me zeal for many of life’s challenges.

For other creative “thankfulness” ideas, check out this mom’s list at http://blessedby10.blogspot.com/2009/11/my-abcs-of-thankfulness.html

I REALLY like her list! I hope you like it.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

This is just a reminder that the Dillon offices will be closed this Thursday and Friday for Thanksgiving.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

We Are a Conspicuous Family

2009-11-18T21:19:00.005-06:00

This week I would like to share something that I first noticed on one of Dillon’s forums. This family adopted through Dillon International a few years ago. They share some very important information about how they feel as parents of special needs children. I hope you take the time to read this article very carefully and take some of their suggestions to heart. I think you will understand what I am talking about after you read their story.
-----------------------------
When you have 5 boys, people tend to notice.
When two of the five are adopted from South Korea, people tend to notice.
When one of the five is special needs, people tend to notice.

And when you are a conspicuous family, you learn that people will make comments and ask questions. It just comes with the territory.

Our youngest was born two years ago. He was a miracle from the beginning since we had long given up the hope of having another biological child. The pregnancy was very normal, but the moment Titus was born, we became aware of his special needs. The list is long and issues we were faced with at birth are no longer the issues we are faced with now. Titus is deaf-blind and has breathing and muscle tone issues. He is on oxygen 24x7. He has a cochlear implant which is very noticeable. At the age of two, he is not able to walk and can only support himself in a sitting position for a few minutes. We have had numerous surgeries and hospital stays. I mention that to say, his special needs are very noticeable when you meet him. But he is also very cognizant, very happy, and very content.

We do not let his needs hold us back. We are a very active family and take Titus with us everywhere we go.

We are finding that when we are out in public with Titus, we have parents who have special needs children that will come and talk to us. And over the last two years, we have learned a few things about parents of special needs children.

It's hard work - plain and simple. Parenting any child can be hard work (we have lots of experience with that), but parents of children with special needs face a whole slew of other challenges - and that in itself can make life hard. So when they find someone else who can relate, you automatically feel a connection because they know you understand.

We wish we could convey that to others, but the main thing we would like to say is this - if you can show compassion to them, show it; if you do an act of kindness (even just opening a door with a smile), do it. A simple smile in their direction means so much more than turning away and acting like you do not see them and their child.

Realize that the very act of being out of the house for this family can be a lot of work. But wherever they are, they are there because they chose to be, and not to be an object to be pointed at, stared at, or ignored. Treat them like you would treat any other person.

Tell them their child is beautiful - it is something they don't hear often (a worker at one of the fast-food restaurants told us how beautiful Titus was this weekend - and it was sweet music to our ears).

Don't talk about their child like he isn't there - respect that he is and can hear you. Realize that due to a child’s needs, he may require our attention while you are talking. Please realize we are not ignoring you, but have to address his needs immediately.

Don’t ask questions about the child’s needs immediately. It’s just rude. Get to know the family before asking personal questions about their child’s needs. There are times a parent just wants to be included in the same conversation that everyone else is having, and not having to answer questions about their child. Ask how they (the parent) are doing – they also need to feel like you are interested in them – not just their child.

Know that their schedule revolves around therapy, doctor's appointments, and other children. Due to the child’s needs, they might not get to take family vacations or attend fun family activities. Realize, that families with special needs don't get invited to come over to someone else's home, their other kids may not get invited to birthday parties or other activities, or they may get invited but may not get to attend. Include the family like you would any other family. They still like to hear that they are invited to participate. If they can come, they will make every effort - it just requires some advanced planning.

And, pay attention to the other children. They are used to people asking about their sibling with needs and sometimes they feel forgotten since no one notices or asks about them.

Know that having a special needs child can put an incredible strain on the marriage of parents. Statistics show that divorce among parents with special needs children is high. And we can understand that. Tending to a child 24x7 does not leave time for date nights or weekend getaways. It takes away from time couples spend together. If you can offer to keep their child for an hour so they can go out and have a cup of coffee, it can mean the world to them. It may mean you have to spend an hour just learning the basics of how to care for the child, but we can say having friends and family who can assist in the caregiving of our child helps us continue to have time for a date and time to be a husband and wife.

For us, we strive to keep life as normal and fun as possible for the other boys - we make sure they know that Titus is part of our family and we include him in all of our activities - it just takes some extra work and effort.

And last point, know that the parents of special needs children have received an incredible blessing that has forever affected their lives. We said one time that no one prays for a special needs child, they pray for a healthy child. But we can tell you that the last two years with Titus has changed us in a way that we never dreamed - and we can't imagine life without him.

About the authors
Paul & Becky D live in Frisco, TX. Paul is the Director of HR at an outsourcing company and Becky is a full-time mom to their 5 boys ages 12-2. They homeschool their boys, teach parenting classes and speak on parenting topics. They are blessed to have both sets of grandparents who live in town and two nurses who assist in their daily life. Their blog about Titus (and other things) is www.thelifeoftitus.blogspot.com.
-----------------------------
Now that you’ve read this family’s story and suggestions, I would like to hear from you. Do you have special needs children? If so, would you be willing to share some of your experiences or blessings as it relates to this topic? If you know of families with special needs children, how will this information make a difference in the way you approach and minister to these families? Thank you for sharing! It may help other families to find hope in their situation.

One other thing that I want to quickly share… Please check this out!! All you have to do is get on Facebook and VOTE for Dillon and encourage your friends to vote for Dillon too. Here are more details…

We need several more votes to give Dillon a chance to win this contest!
Dillon International Inc Dba Orphan Care International Inc.
Dillon wants you to support us in Chase’s Community Giving Campaign, which is donating $5,000,000 to charities around the USA. Facebook users are voting for the recipients! Please vote for “Dillon International Inc Dba Orphan Care International Inc.”

http://apps.facebook.com/chasecommunitygiving/charities/999792?src=wallpost&ref=nf

We appreciate your vote!

Until Every Child Has a Home...

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Post-Adoption Depression.. Could it Happen to You?

2009-11-12T17:21:00.006-06:00

I was talking to a lady at church last Sunday and the topic of post-adoption blues or depression came up. I do not hear or read much about this topic, but it is something that honest families will admit that it is very real and very hard to deal with. I think that this problem is misunderstood because of the guilt which families feel and the reluctance to admit that they are having problems. Adoptive parents-to-be often receive a lot of support and excitement from others prior to the adoption. However, once all of the paperwork is done, the baby is home, the adrenaline is gone, the emotional high is over, the serotonin is lost, the finances are shot, the nights are long (or short), the bills roll in, the romance is diminished, and the happily ever after...is not always so happy after all...REALITY sets in. The reality of all of this can just snowball and steam roll over a person or family. Carrie, an adoptive mom of four children, explains it this way:

“New moms or dads, bringing home a new child is stressful to the family!! It is SOOOO worth it and many of us have done it several times and lived to tell the tale. :-) But do realize that bringing home a new child IS one of the most stressful things a household can experience. I loved how it was put in an article I read: a family (whether a couple only or parents and multiple children) is nicely balanced like a child's mobile. But as soon as you hang one more person on there, everything tips around and gets out of whack for a while! You have to settle into a new balance, a new normal! TOTALLY worth it, but it does take time.”

Carrie goes on to say, “… be aware of post-adoption depression and do not be afraid to talk to your doctor about it if you need to. And also if you are struggling as a family with the adjustment, please talk to your social worker about it!! Don't be afraid to say you are tired or worn out or that it isn't going as smoothly as you had dreamed. Remember, the Dillon workers WANT the adoption to succeed! They are ON YOUR SIDE!

“We all went through so much, jumped through so many hoops, maybe did infertility stuff, that finally when the child arrives we don't want to ever say that we are struggling. Sometimes our extended families and friends will even say things like "Well, you got what you asked for! Isn't this what you wanted?" ARGH!!! YES, the child is what we wanted, but we are still darn tired, worn out, and sometimes need to vent. Just like all other parents of newly arrived children! ;-)”

Every family and person is different and therefore, they may experience symptoms of post-adoption depression in different ways. For a more extensive list of post-adoption depression symptoms, please read the article published by RainbowKids.com at this link. http://www.rainbowkids.com/expertarticledetails.aspx?id=272

I was not prepared for any post-adoption depression the first time around. It did not dawn on me until a couple of years later what I had experienced. With our second adoption, I recognized my symptoms. I talked to my doctor about them and he prescribed some medication. After a few weeks of meds, I began to feel so much better.

I did not necessarily have the feelings of hopelessness or despair. My symptoms were mainly physical. I had a lot of body aches in my joints and especially in my sternum. I felt like I literally had the weight of the world on my chest. I just ached and craved sleep so badly. There were days that I thought I would do just about anything for more sleep. I felt so guilty. I thought that if I prayed more, exercised more, ate better, etc, that I would feel better and get over the aches and pains in my body. However, I had drained my body and mind of the vital chemicals that make everything function normally and just needed a little help to re-establish the internal balance.

Some adoptive parents have shared that they have struggled with depression due to their own infertility. Sometimes adoption can actually re-open wounds and expose grief that may have been buried during the business of the adoption process. Some families have found help through reading Dillon mom Karen Foli’s book called Post Adoption Blues.

So what should you do if you are struggling with post-placement issues or post-adoption blues?

Rebecca Hackworth, LCSW, offers the following advice, “[People] who struggled with depression at other points in their life or prior to the adoption are more likely to suffer from post-adoption depression as well. Time helps. One of our adoptive parents put up notes around the house that said, ‘It won’t always feel this way!’ Of course, if thoughts of harming oneself or others should occur, it’s time to seek medical and psychological support from a professional immediately. We have had parents use some medication during that adjustment time to help them accommodate those feelings. Sometimes talking with others who have struggled with the same adjustments is helpful. Dillon can often provide several names of adoptive families who have been brave enough to share those struggles with us and would be open to sharing with new adoptive families. Talk with your spouse, your pastor, or other moms. I don’t think anyone is outside the framework of understanding some of that struggle if they have children or adopted children. If no one in your “safety net” understands your struggle, keep looking! Get some breaks. Have your spouse or mom come during nap time to be with your child so that you can go get a massage or have lunch with a good friend that you can share your heart with if need be. It’s amazing what even a short break and a listening ear can do to help. Dillon has a post-adoption counseling office and they are available to you as well. Sometimes it is difficult for families to talk with Dillon as they are the group you convinced you were a perfect parent, but believe us when we say we will be supportive and understanding. Many of our staff have experienced similar struggles while building their own families.”

If you are struggling in this area and feel like you could benefit from some counsel, Rebecca Hackworth from Dillon International does offer adoption counseling services. You can contact her at rebecca@dillonadopt.com or 918.994.7945

Let’s get the word out about post-adoption depression. It is a very real phenomenon so people can be prepared to deal with it. It is important to know that this can also affect dads and kids.

Here are some more articles that you can read on this topic:

*http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=705

*http://www.adoptionarticlesdirectory.com/Article/Post-Adoption-Depression---The-Unacknowledged-Hazard/53

*http://www.adopting.org/pads.html

*http://www.adoptionissues.org/post-adoption-depression.html

*http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-shock-dealing-with-post-adoption-depression_1374199.bc

Until Every Child Has a Home…

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Share God's Passion on Orphan Sunday...

2009-11-04T17:33:00.001-06:00

Orphan Sunday is only a few days away. On Sunday, November 8, 2009, join with Dillon International and churches across the nation to spread awareness of the needs of orphans worldwide.
Orphan Sunday from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.To find an event in your area click here: Orphan Sunday Events

Thousands of children dig through the trash each day looking for something of value to sell for food. Dillon International’s orphanCare International serves thousands of at risk children each year. . . children living in orphanages, on the street, impoverished families and children living in foster care.

By reaching out to these children and providing them with food and a safe place to rest their head at night, we can offer additional resources. Through education and medical care these children now have a second chance for a better future. orphanCare International link

Loving and well-trained staff care for the children residing in Dillon’s orphanCare International sister orphanages. Each child is an individual with specific needs. Through the staff's support and love, we are finding ways to meet those specific needs.

Your gift can change their legacy. Here are a few things that your donations help to provide:

a Medical Care
a Daily Living Needs
a Educational Assistance
a Education scholarships in Vietnam
a Air Conditioner in the Kolkata Orphanage
a Beds for Birthmothers in South Korea

We care for the future of God's children. When they are without a permanent home, Dillon’s orphanCare International is there to provide the skills necessary for a brighter future. We pray that one day our services will no longer be needed. However, until that day comes, our mission is vital for our global children's future.

There, are many ways you can join orphanCare International to help these children. One way you can help is by making a donation during America's Giving Challenge. orphanCare International only has two more days to participate in this giving challenge contest. You can follow the progress on Facebook Causes

Between now and November 7th we have to get the most donations to our cause (every person can donate once per day and have it count as a unique donation). We can also win daily awards of $1,000 and $500 if we can get the most people to donate in any 24-hour period. The great thing about this Challenge is that it doesn't matter how much you give, but instead how much you do to encourage friends and family to get involved in our cause. We all need to come together and start promoting the cause if we want to win.

Each of us has tons of friends on Facebook who we can ask to donate to our cause. But let's think big too—can you put our cause in your email signature, can you throw a party and get people to donate through the cause when they enter, can you organize other people to go out and fundraise from all of their friends? As you reach out to your friends be sure to tell them why this cause matters to you. The possibilities are endless so let's talk about what we can do to win on the Wall of the cause or by replying to this bulletin.

Please donate today at Causes.com

AN ORGANIZATION YOU CAN TRUST
In fiscal year 2007, Dillon International spent 91% of its overall budget on program services. Individual percentages varied according to each program's needs. (Dillon International is the parent organization of orphanCare International.) Please note that 3% of each online donation is retained for credit card processing fees.

Until Every Child Has a Home…

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Reluctant Family Members

2009-10-29T17:38:00.001-05:00

I have heard from several families lately who have been concerned about their extended family members’ initial reaction to their decision to adopt. This seems to be a fairly common concern for many prospective adoptive families. My husband and I shared many of these same concerns before we began our journey. We did a lot of research and a lot of praying before we had peace from the Lord on how to proceed.

Since I was about twelve years old, I have had a heart for orphans and adoption so I am not sure why my parents were shocked when my husband and I started talking about our desire to adopt. We had varying degrees of concern and opposition from both sides of our family, but the people who were most opposed to the idea were our parents. Here are some of the comments and concerns we heard from our family and others: “You have three beautiful, healthy children already. Why do you need to adopt?” “How will you pay for it?” “What about college…how are you supposed to put all those kids through school?” “What happens if after you adopt, someone in your family gets sick or has some kind of undiagnosed condition that you have to deal with?” “You should be careful because you just never know what you are going to get when you adopt.” “Why in the world do you need to go all the way around the world to adopt? What about all the kids in the United States that need homes?”

My husband and I both come from Christian families so this resistance was puzzling and frankly hurtful at times. They just could not understand our desire to adopt and see the vision that God had given us. To be fair, I now know that their concerns were validated from a parent’s point of view. Even though my husband and I were obviously grown and living on our own, the fact is that we will always be their children. As our parents, their concerns were really focused on “their babies.” You know what they say, “Once a parent…always a parent. It does not change when your children are grown.” They just wanted the best for our family and did not want to see us make a big mistake.

Our dilemma on this subject was complicated by the fact that because we do come from Christian families, we were taught to “Honor your father and mother.” So how far does the “honoring father and mother” go as compared to the “leave and cleave” command given by God to married couples? We struggled with this for quite some time. We basically had to decide that just because our decision on how to build our family did not agree with our parents’ opinions, this did not mean that we were not honoring them. Ultimately, this decision was between my husband and me and God. Honoring our parents for us in this situation meant that we listened to their concerns and tried to answer some of their questions. We did not have answers for all of their questions, but at least we gave them the respect of hearing their point of view. We basically agreed to disagree. We prayed for them and they prayed for us. We may not have prayed the same exact thing, but one common thread in the prayers was that we prayed that God would guide our steps and that God’s will would be done…whatever that meant. It was not about who was right and who was wrong, but agreeing to surrender to what God would have our family do.

During our last adoption process, our two older sons were quite opposed to our decision to adopt again. We basically had to approach our boys’ opposition similarly to the way we did with our parents the first time around…”We hear your concerns. We are sorry you feel this way. We will do our best to listen to you and answer your questions. We will be proceeding in accordance with what we believe God wants to do even though you do not support it.” Thankfully, both of our sons have discovered that their baby sister is super duper cute and they get the biggest kick out of her antics.

We also were not sure if some of our extended family members would be accepting of a child from another ethnic background. We did not grow up in very ethnically diverse communities. We had both heard our share of negative comments about various ethnic groups…not necessarily from our parents, but from others in our extended family. However, once we adopted the first time, they accepted and loved our daughter like any other member of the family and they were excited and supportive during the next two adoption processes, which seems equally miraculous to me. I am happy to report that all of our children have been accepted and loved by all of our family….extended or otherwise.

While I am not a social worker and I cannot pretend to offer professional counsel on this topic, I did find an article on this topic that you may want to read. This article gives some suggestions that may help guide you as you work to find the best option for your family. It is called “The Reluctant Family” by Lisa Milbrand. Here is the link: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1658

If you are struggling in this area and feel like you could benefit from some counsel, Rebecca Hackworth from Dillon International does offer adoption counseling services. You can contact her at rebecca@dillonadopt.com. Rebecca will also be speaking at the Hope Symposium on Adoption and Foster Care on Saturday, November 7, 2009, in Norman, Oklahoma. She will be presenting two workshops that day. For more information or to register, contact LaDenna Roberts at 405.630.7600 or log onto www.oklahomaadoptioncoalition.org

Ultimately, each family will need to make the decision that they believe is right for their own individual family. One thing to keep in mind is that international adoptive families must be persevering, flexible, and willing to go where others are reluctant. International adoption is not for everyone.

Don't give up! Pray and seek the Lord in this matter and He will guide your steps to the place and to the child that is meant to be yours.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Balancing Work and Family

2009-10-23T15:19:00.003-05:00

Balancing work and family: How do people do this and do it well? This is a topic that I have wanted to address on this blog for quite some time. Even though this is not necessarily an adoption topic, I believe that it is a universal struggle for all parents. I am not sure how well I did with the balancing act during last week. Let me know what you think.

I was missing in action last week because our family was visited multiple times by the “flu fairy.” I just kept hoping that I would have a few moments to sit down and write something for the blog last week and I just simply did not have a spare moment. I sort of felt like an airline attendant on a Trans-Atlantic flight or something… “Can I get you some more juice? Would you like some Tylenol with that? How about a breathing treatment…we have those available on this flight at no extra charge? You need more pillows and a blanket?…Sure, not a problem. Would you like to watch your favorite movie for the five hundredth time, or would you like to watch something else now? Will there be anything else this evening? (Not that I mind running up and down the stairs a thousand times a day, Yeah right!)”

Oh, you know the drill! You know what I am talking about! If you’ve been a parent for very long or know someone who is, this will sound way too familiar. I just have to say that having four kids sick all within in hours and days of each other, was no picnic!! This will be an October to remember, that’s for sure!

So what about your family? How have you faired this flu season so far? And not just flu season, but how are you holding up under the pressures of splitting your time between your family, your spouse and your work responsibilities in general? Do you ever feel the pressure of your work responsibilities are crowding out the importance of your family? This is a huge dilemma because we all have to work to support our families. We work for them and because of them, but what I hate is when we have to work in spite of them. By this I mean, we have to work regardless of whether or not they are sick or need us to be there for them for some other reason. This seems like such a cruel irony to me.

I know that I am not the only one who feels this way, this terrible pull and the guilt of letting someone down on one side of the equation or the other. I’ve been part of several discussions on this topic on various forums and groups, so I know that there are many families who struggle with this issue every single day.

Last night, during some long over-due quiet time with the Lord, I felt like God laid something on my heart that I would like to share with you. During these trying times when we are being pulled in ten different directions, we need to remember our T.A.S.K. Forgive me if this seems lame, but it works for me. Hopefully it may work for some of you too.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus. The words to the old hymn…“Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full into His beautiful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.”

Ask for help… this is really hard for me and my husband to do. We are grateful if someone offers to help, but we don’t want to admit that we are in over our heads sometimes and we could really use some help. I guess it is kind of a pride thing. This family is our responsibility and we need to manage it…good, bad or ugly. We also just don’t want to bother other people since we know that they are busy just like we are. Thankfully, my completely unselfish mother-in-law came to our aid late last week and helped to catch up the back log of laundry and dishes. I learned from that experience to accept the help and to ask others for help, or even pay for someone to come and help if necessary.

Seek council, advice or ways to streamline your life to accommodate for unexpected events. Maybe this means making a back-up plan for times when family members are sick. Maybe this means cutting out some activities, clubs or sporting events if you need more evenings at home or just down time as a family. Whatever your family needs, seek ways to make it happen.

Keep your eyes on the prize, the priority, the most important thing in your life. For our family, this means passing on our faith and our values to our children…“To love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul.” This is what we say our priority is, but it is much harder to live it. This is where we will all be tested to the extreme. Will we just say it, or will we do whatever it takes to really live it?

Well, I am not sure that I have really offered any amazing advice on exactly how to balance work and family responsibilities. I am not sure that I am qualified to give any kind of blanket advice anyway. I would really like to hear your thoughts and suggestions on this topic. I think the other readers would as well. I think we could all use some encouragement and ideas. So take the surveys on the side bar and post your comments here on the blog and maybe we can all take something away from this to improve our lives.

Thanks for reading and offering your thoughts on this topic.

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Emotions and Stages of Waiting

2009-10-07T16:41:00.009-05:00

This past Sunday I spent the day waiting in a local urgent care facility with my two-year-old daughter, Sami. She has somewhat fragile lungs and I wanted to be sure she had the medical care she needed. No other family members came with us. It was just Sami and me. Thankfully, most of the five hours we spent there were in a quiet room by ourselves. (I am very grateful for Baby Einstein DVD’s!!….I just happened to stick one in the diaper bag on the off chance that we might have access to a DVD player while waiting.)

During our long wait, I had a lot of time to reflect on the events of this past year. You see this Saturday, October 10, will be Sami’s first “Gotcha Day” anniversary. What is a “Gotcha Day?” Well, it is an endearing term that many adoptive families use to describe the day that their child first joined the family, or the day we “Got Yah!”

After the fifth viewing of the same movie, my mind began to drift off and think about all that has happened in our lives over the last eighteen months or so. I thought about our family’s “wait” for Sami to come home. I have heard some people lovingly refer to the adoption process as a “paperwork pregnancy.” I would totally agree! It seems like when you’re in the process, you wish you had a “fast forward” button to push. Then once the grand event takes place, you spend your time wishing you could just push “pause” once in a while.

I know that there are so many families right now who are waiting for their precious children to come home. I thought I would examine some of the emotions that are common during the “wait.” Even though I had been through the adoption process twice before and I knew what some of the emotions would be, I was still taken by surprise at how intensely I reacted to them the third time around. I found this last adoption to be one of the most emotionally taxing experiences of my life.

There is such a wide and wild range of emotions that many people experience during an adoption process. So many people feel completely blindsided by these emotions that I thought I would help shed some light on this subject. Author Margery Alligham described the stages of waiting parents something like this:

*Stage 1: “Hopeful. Confident. Cheery.”
*Stage 2: “Optimistic. Philosophical. Edgy.”
*Stage 3: “Discouraged. Depressed. Snarly.”
*Stage 4: “Have Mercy! Hurry Up, Please. It’s time!!!!” “I don’t care what happens, just let the torment be over!”
*Stage 5: “I don’t want to talk about it. Don’t tell me the Universe knows best.”
*Indeterminable time in the future: “Oh, my goodness. You’re kidding! Really? You wouldn’t joke about this, would you? I don’t believe it! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!”

Adoptive mom Julie Corby wrote about the emotions she experienced during the wait in a recent article for Adoptive Families Magazine. You can read the entire article by following this link. http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1961

So what should you do if you feel like your emotions are getting the best of you? Here is a short list of suggestions that I hope will help you while you wait.

· I would say prayer and Bible study would be at the top of my list. Be sure to balance your time in prayer with time in God’s Word. This will help to keep you grounded and less emotional.
· Find support from other families who are going through or have already gone through this process. This can be in the form of online support groups, forums or local support groups.
· Become more involved in your community. Volunteer with charitable or non-profit groups, visit assisted living facilities or sign up to read books to the children at your local elementary school, just to name a few. Look beyond yourself and try to find ways to help others. Focusing on the needs of others has a funny way of improving our attitudes about our own circumstances.
· Find some way to distract yourself to help keep from becoming obsessed with how long this process is taking. Here are a few suggestions from Rebecca Hackworth, LCSW, of Dillon International.

*Educate yourself on attachment issues
*Refinish baby furniture
*Make a quilt or blanket
*Decorate his/her room
*Start a Lifebook http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com/
*Read through name books
*Prepare your child’s arrival announcements or design you own announcements

So was that emotionally exhausting experience and all of the anxiety, stress, agony and sleepless nights really worth it? That answer is a resounding “YES, ABSOLUTELY” without any hesitation whatsoever! The answer is “YES” 362 times; one “YES” for each day that I have been able to hold her in my arms. Even after twenty-something 4 AM breathing treatments, multiple maintenance medications, loss of sleep, strain on our finances and two broken noses, the answer is still “YES.” (Yes, she broke my nose twice this last year with her sweet little head!)

If I had known how hard it was going to be, would I have chosen this same path? You know, I am so glad that we do not know what the future holds. We rob ourselves of something precious when we look to avoid problems and hard work. It is quite natural, I suppose, for us to look for the path of least resistance or to think that something is just “too much trouble.” I am thankful for all of the trials that my family and I have walked through. They have made us stronger and better equipped to handle the next challenge or crisis that will arise in our lives. Waiting is definitely a challenge and it can certainly feel like a crisis at times.

During one of those 4 AM breathing treatments, I began to realize how thankful I am that Jesus Christ did not think that I was “too much trouble.” After all, He’s has been up with me all night before. He has breathed new life into my soul when I was out of breath. He gave up everything for me. He even had His body broken for me!

So the next time you are tempted to be anxious during your wait wondering where in the world is God in all of this; or if you are thinking that this is just “too much trouble,” I would like to leave you with this quote. It comes from “The Prayer of Jabez” by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson.

“It doesn’t matter whether you are short of money, people, energy, or time. What God invites you to do will always be greater than the resources you start with. Living with the hand of God upon you means that at times you will be asked to act in spite of the evidence…and then watch the evidence change.”

May you have peace while you wait!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Children's Tylenol Products RECALL

2009-10-02T13:28:00.002-05:00

JUST IN CASE YOU HAVE NOT HEARD…There has been a recall on certain children’s Tylenol products between the dates of April – June 2008. Dillon International has asked me to urge parents to PLEASE CHECK THE DATES of your children’s TYLENOL products and replace them if they are in the included date range. Please go to this website and read the important information that is provided. http://www.tylenol.com/page.jhtml?id=tylenol/news/subpchildinfantnews.inc

Thank you for caring about your children.
Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

MAKE PLANS NOW FOR ORPHAN SUNDAY ON NOVEMBER 8, 2009

2009-10-01T09:02:00.012-05:00

I hope you have been enjoying beautiful fall weather where you live. Here in the mid-west, the weather has been absolutely perfect! I love this time of year! The air is crisp and cool in the mornings, but it warms up enough to comfortably go outside without a jacket.

This time of year I also start thinking about how to draw attention to the plight of orphans worldwide. Since I was a little girl, I have always had a heart for orphans. I do not know all of the reasons why, I just know that God has given me a burning desire in my heart to help advocate for them in whatever way that I can.

November has been known as “National Adoption Month” for several years now. For the last few years I have helped to organize adoptive family events to celebrate adoption in the month of November. While I think adoption is a very worthy cause, I have always wanted a way to express the needs of orphans to people who might not be called to adopt. I do not know if you have ever felt this same way, but I have good news! There are other people out there that have also sensed this need. The Christian Alliance for Orphans and the Cry of the Orphan have partnered in a coordinated effort for a nationwide Orphan Sunday. While many churches and organizations have hosted “Orphan Sundays” over the years, this partnership seeks to provide support for the many worthwhile efforts on the local level. You can contact your Orphan Sunday State Coordinator for more information and ideas on how to build an event in your local area. Here is the website: http://www.orphansunday.org/ Many free resources are available to download from this site. Some of the resources include posters, bulletin inserts, sermon notes, Bible study guides, prayer guides, a powerpoint presentation, videos, etc.

“An Orphan Sunday event starts with a single person who shares God's passion for orphans. Often they invite a few others to join also, together building a simple idea that fits their own community and calling. An event can be large or small. The goal is simply this: to see hearts stirred with the plight of the orphan-and what we can do in response.” Orphan Sunday website

Please make plans now to hold an Orphan Sunday event in your area.

For the children,

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

P.S. Several weeks ago I told you about the Orphans Deserve Better Campaign. Here is an update on that campaign.

Fellow Orphan Advocate,

Thank you again for being part of the Orphans Deserve Better campaign!
It is a pleasure to let you know that Warner Bros has given final confirmation to their plans to include a “Public Service Announcement” affirming orphans and adoption with the Orphan DVD .

This modest step may not be as significant as the hundreds of newspaper articles, blog posts, radio interviews and other accounts that your involvement in Orphans Deserve Better helped produce. But it’s certainly another victory, affirming both the great needs of orphans and the reward found in opening our lives to them.

We welcome you to continue with us in these efforts, now focused on the 2009 “Orphan Sunday” campaign. Consider hosting your own activities on November 8, and also join the Orphan Sunday Facebook Group.
We wish you God’s very best in whatever ways you continue to “Defend the cause of the fatherless!”

With Appreciation,

Jedd Medefind, President
Christian Alliance for Orphan
www.christianalliancefororphans.org

Making the time to get together with other Families of Color for Fun and Fellowship

2009-09-23T16:06:00.003-05:00

If you have read this blog for very long, you know that I have two daughters who were adopted from South Korea. My oldest Korean-born daughter is Jintry who is six years old. She first began to ask questions about why she looked different from the rest of our family when she was about four years old. I think she realized she looked different for a long time before that. When she was about two years old, she wanted me to hold her in front of the mirror and she would point to my eyes and say, “Mommy blue eyes.” Then she would point to her eyes and say, “Jintry brown eyes.”

We have always been very open about her adoption story with her, so she pretty much has had it down since she was about four years old. Every now and then she will revisit the topic and I will have to re-answer the same kinds of questions over and over. I suppose she does this not because the information is new but that she is processing the information differently as she matures.

This last summer she wanted to go to Korea camp at Dillon. So did I. I had always hoped to take her to Korea camp when she was old enough. Well, she was old enough two years ago, so I decided it was time to go. We were so excited and making plans to go and then we had a series of unexpected large expenses which put the plan on-hold. I was so disappointed. Jintry was disappointed also, but she has moved on and I am still sad about it. I was hoping and praying that there might be a Korean festival in our area this fall that our family could attend instead. My prayers have been answered! There is a Korean festival scheduled for the first weekend in October.

Why should I be so concerned about taking my Korean-born daughter to a Korean festival? Isn’t she an American now? What is the big deal about exposing her to her birth culture? I am not sure that I have any sound psychological answers for these questions. For me it is a matter of respect. It just seems like the right thing to do. I have a deep respect and admiration for her birth culture and the family who gave her life. Out of this deep sense of respect, I feel like I owe it to her to help her understand where she came from and why. Korean heritage is a part of who she is and that will never change. I want her to learn to love and embrace her Korean roots. Does this mean that we have adjusted our lives and lifestyle to make everything we do “half American and half Korean”? The answer is a huge “NO.” In fact, I feel guilty sometimes that we do not make more of an effort to incorporate more Korean traditions into our family. The reality is that she came to live in our family and become a part of our family and not the other way around.

A few years ago I did an extensive genealogy research to try and trace my family ancestry all the way back to the Revolutionary War. While growing up I had heard different stories about various grandparents, family members and ancestors. As a kid, I thought that the stories were sort of interesting, but I never thought about the impact that my ancestors’ decisions would have on my daily life. It was quite sobering and eye opening for me when I established proof that I did have ancestors who were Patriots in the Revolutionary War. I will never forget the overwhelming range of emotions that followed. I was proud to find the connection and proud of their service. I was saddened for their losses. I was grateful for the sacrifices they made so that I can have the opportunity to live in freedom. I stood in reverence and awe of such selfless individuals and families. I wish I could have met them. I have questions that I would like to ask them. I wonder what they looked like, what their voices sounded like. Why did they do what they did even though they did not know if they would ever live to see the reward?

As you might imagine, this experience left me with some changed views on life. I now wonder if this will be some of the same emotions that my adopted children will feel. Even though I was not adopted, I hope this experience will help me to better relate to their questions, emotions and the need to connect with their culture and ancestors in some way.

We have a rather large family with many activities; therefore, it is difficult to make time for events like the Korean festival, adoptive family picnics and get-togethers. Sometimes it honestly just seems like too much trouble. It is just easier to deal with the urgent rather than make time for the important. Even though scheduling to attend these types of events can be a challenge for my family, I am going to try really hard to make this a priority. I think I owe it to my children to help them connect with their birth culture.

Below is an example of one type of event that I would like to highlight this week. If you live in the Tulsa area, I would encourage you to make plans to attend. If you do not live near Tulsa, I hope you will try to find similar opportunities in your local area. I know that you and your children will both benefit greatly from the fun and fellowship with other families of color.

Picnic for Families Who Have Adopted African, African-American and/or Caribbean Children

DILLON INTERNATIONAL is hosting a picnic for families who have adopted African, African-American and/or Caribbean children at
Whiteside Park, 4009 S. Pittsburg Avenue, Tulsa, OK 74135. Whiteside Park is located off of 41st Street between Harvard and Yale Avenues.

A shelter has been reserved for the group gathering. Please bring lawn chairs, blankets to sit on along with a snack to share and your favorite yard game. Drinks will be provided. We are asking for $5/family donation to cover the rental of the shelter.

Contact Rebecca Hackworth for more info or questions: 918.994.7945 or rebecca@dillonadopt.com

Find some fun, fellowship and culture!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Dillon's India Program Is Accepting Applications!

2009-09-16T15:00:00.007-05:00

This week I would like to share some exciting news from Dillon International. We are once again accepting applications for our India program! We are also accepting applications from all prospective adoptive families – not just families who have previously adopted internationally or are an NRI family. Below is posted a notice from Dillon’s India program staff which will give you more details about this excellent adoption program. The areas of greatest need right now are for families who are willing to consider children who are waiting and/or have special needs.

In April 2008 Dillon had put a hold on new applicants for our India program in anticipation of The Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA) in New Delhi, India issuing new Guidelines for Adoption from India. To date those new guidelines have not been issued, although two drafts have been shared with agencies. Although we DO anticipate the new guidelines will be issued in the future, we have no way to determine when the guidelines will be implemented. With no definite date on the horizon and the continuing need for children to be united with forever families, we have made the decision to resume accepting applicants for our India Adoption Program, effective Aug. 7, 2009. Families must meet the following criteria:

_ Heterosexual married couples between the ages of 28 and 40 at time of application
_ First time marriages must be a minimum of three years in length and second time marriages a minimum of five years in length
_ Only one past divorce is acceptable
_ No more than three children already in the home
_ Applicants with a history of any kind of depression or mental illness must be stable for five years with or without medication (applicants will need to provide a letter of confirmation from an appropriate physician and/or counselor).

Families will be REQUIRED to adhere to the following requirements in order to have their application approved:

_ Open to a child of EITHER gender
_ Sign an Acknowledgement of Risk that your family is aware of the potential change that could occur in the Indian adoption process when new guidelines are implemented and that you understand the risk involved. Any fees paid will be for services rendered and are non-refundable.
_ At minimum, open to the following medical needs: Pre-mature birth, low birth weight, moderate to severe malnourishment, delayed developmental milestones, increased tone in the limbs, septicemia, pneumonia, birth asphyxia, jaundice, and a child that has received plasma transfusions. We would recommend that you also consider being open to: Microcephaly, Hydrocephaly, and mild Cerebral Palsy. At this time we have a number of families already in our program requesting girls and with minimal openness to medical needs. Therefore at this time our NEED is for families who are more open in terms of gender and health issues. In the future, we may be able to relax these requirements to make the program available to more families.

An Application Part I as well as the Acknowledgement of Risk can be downloaded from our web page at the following link: http://www.dillonadopt.com/requestapp.htm

Please make sure that you include the signed “acknowledgement of risk” when you submit your application paperwork.

Should you choose to apply, we look forward to working with your family!

Sincerely,
Dillon International India Program Staff

Adopting a special needs or waiting child is definitely not for every family. Dillon International is really looking for families that are being led by God to adopt a special needs child. Dillon International is most concerned with what is best for families and children. While trying to decrease the number of the world’s orphans is a noble cause, we strongly believe that it is very important to find the right fit for each family.

If you believe that God may be calling you to adopt and parent a special needs child, please contact Tami Davidson who is the waiting child coordinator for Dillon International. Her email address is tami@dillonadopt.com

Dillon currently has many waiting children and special needs children that need forever families. You can view some brief information on these children by going to Dillon’s main website. Just click on the “waiting children” link or follow this direct link: http://www.dillonadopt.com/waiting_child.htm. You will be asked to fill out a screening form for the country or countries that you are interested in. A password to access that country’s waiting child page will be emailed to you after we receive your screening form.

Also, if you have not had the chance to read the article that I posted a few weeks ago called “Special Needs = Special Blessings”, I would encourage you to do so. This article addresses some of the issues surrounding special needs and waiting children.

For the Children!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

The Only Thing That is Constant is Change...International Adoption's Changing Landscape

2009-09-10T11:28:00.007-05:00

Our family began our first adoption journey in 2002. We brought our first daughter from South Korea home in 2003. Our son from China was adopted in 2006, and our second daughter from South Korea was united with our family late last year. During the six years that we have been a part of the adoption community we have witnessed many changes in the international adoption scene. Part of the changes that we experienced were due to the fact that our first adoption followed a fairly normal process. Our second two adoptions were for waiting children and this can change the order of some of the steps in the process.

Over the years many people have asked me questions like, “Why does the adoption process take so long?” and “Why does it cost so much?” While the answers are complicated, part of the answer is due to the fact that there has been a growing concern over the past several years about the atrocity of human trafficking and the tragedy of child abuse. Many governments, including the United States, have been working diligently to draft and enact laws and regulations that aim to reduce the risk of human trafficking and child abuse. As with anything else, anytime there are new laws and regulations, there has to be people to monitor the regulations and enforce the laws. This can lead to increased time and costs for governments and adoptive families.

In April of 2008, the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption went into effect in the United States. Martha Osborne of Rainbow Kids explains more about The Hague Convention in her article, Adoptive Parents Ask: What Does The Hague Convention Mean to Me?, A Hague Adoption Guide for Families March 01, 2008.
According to Martha, “The Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption provides a framework for member countries to work together to ensure that children are provided with permanent, loving homes, that adoptions take place in the best interests of a child, and that the abduction, sale or traffic in children is prevented. Hague regulations establish uniform requirements and ensure sound ethical practices designed to protect children, birthparents and adoptive parents. Part of the Convention's guidelines ensures that one Central Authority is in place in each country so that adoptive parents get the most accurate information regarding adoption. The Department of State is the U.S. Central Authority for the Convention. The United States requires international adoption service providers serving Hague countries to be accredited, supported and monitored.”

She goes on to explain in her article Changing Trends in International Adoption, “…the Hague has forcibly brought changes that most adoption professionals have been desiring for years. These include pre-adoption education classes for adoptive families, standardized procedures for all countries involved, and avenues for agency accountability.” http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=637

One of the biggest changes for international adoption can be difficult for some people to accept. There are fewer non-special needs infants available for adoption. There may be several reasons for this trend. Many countries are now advocating for domestic adoption and offering incentives for families to adopt domestically. Some countries are working harder to reunify the child with his or her birth family or other relatives. Still other country officials believe that international adoption is to be the last option for their orphans.

Osborne further explains the reasons behind these trends, “The Hague requires more documentation on a child's abandonment/orphan status, requiring a child to stay in the care of an institution for a longer period of time.

“Placing countries, which are often very limited on available resources for special-needs children, are making the adoption of special needs children a priority.

“Vocal opponents to the adoption of children internationally are gaining a foothold in the popular media. This attention can be exploitive, but does often cause misgivings towards adoption by the general populace of placing-countries. It is an unfortunate reality that those who write the news are often the least informed on the issues. The most important thing that each of us can do to battle this influence is to become informed and vocal, while still respectful to all parties involved.

“This is not to say that healthy children under 18-months of age are not available for adoption. There are programs still placing non-special needs children under age 2 years. There is simply a noticeable movement by countries placing children internationally towards advocating most strongly for special needs and older children. Knowing this, pre-adoptive families can make the best choices for their situation.” You can read the full article by Martha Osborne at: http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=637 (All quotes from Martha Osborne of Rainbow Kids were used with permission.)

While some families are disappointed to learn that there are fewer “healthy infants” available for adoption, this is actually really good news for many special needs waiting children and older children. Families are now beginning to understand this trend and open their hearts and minds to the possibility of parenting a special needs or older child.

Denise Schoborg is the director of Dillon International’s China and Hong Kong programs. Schoborg observes, “The number of children with special needs and older children available for adoption continues to be very significant. The China Centre for Adoption Affairs does expedite the process for adopting a child with special needs, and the blessing in disguise has been more children with special needs and older children have found families.” For more information about these programs you can contact Denise at dschoborg@dillonadopt.com

A handful of countries have closed their doors to international adoption altogether. A few countries have changed their adoptive parent criteria in such a way that many families no longer qualify for these programs. Even though the news of these changes can be very discouraging and disheartening, I would encourage you to look at the changes in a positive light. The fact still remains that there are approximately 143 million orphans worldwide. With this large number, there are still plenty of children available for adoption! So with that information, please do not become discouraged! I cannot promise you that for every country that closes its doors to international adoption, another one opens. However, there are many new opportunities arising all of the time.

As an example, Dillon International and Buckner International’s decision to combine forces and adoption services has allowed Dillon to expand its opportunities to serve children in new countries such as Ethiopia, Honduras and Russia, while providing prospective adoptive families new countries in which to adopt from.

Rosalyn Metcalfe, Development Coordinator for Dillon International recently talked about some of the newest country developments on the horizon for Dillon International. “Many opportunities for providing services to children have arisen in 2009. We prayerfully consider possible partnerships with people and organizations that come to us, placing the needs of the children as our highest priority. While adoption is the most visible, humanitarian aid is an integral part of our work. Also, it is not uncommon for Dillon to provide humanitarian aid in areas where adoptions are not in operation, but where children are in dire need of attention.

“Having children remain in their native country is a priority, whether they are placed with relatives or a domestic adoptive family. Only when these options have been exhausted do we advocate for inter-country adoptions. We look forward to serving children through adoption and humanitarian aid in Ghana, Nepal and Hyderabad, India by the end of the year.”

Be watching Dillon’s website for the new Ghana and Nepal programs to be up and running later this year! Or if you are interested in following the development of these new pilot programs you can contact Jynger at jynger@dillonadopt.com

There are several important points to keep in mind when considering international adoption.

1. International adoption is not for every family. International adoptive families must be persevering, patient, flexible and willing to go where others are reluctant to go.

2. “NO” now, does not have to mean “NO” forever. Just because one country closes to international adoption or it changes its adoptive parent criteria does not mean that you are out of luck forever. There are other new programs becoming available on a regular basis. This is the “when the door closes, look for a window” principle. (I have also never been opposed to keep knocking on a closed door either. Sometimes you just have to knock awhile before someone hears and answers the door!)

3. Sometimes dreams have to die in order to live. If you believe that God has given you the dream to adopt internationally and things do not seem to be going your way right now, I would encourage you to let go of the dream and give it to the Lord. It may just be that He wants you to surrender the dream to Him. He will resurrect the dream and make it a reality in His perfect timing. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me. This was specifically true in our first adoption journey. I had the dream to adopt for over twenty years and it died twice before the Lord brought it to reality all within His perfect timing.

4. Don't give up! Pray and seek the Lord in this matter and He will guide your steps to the place and to the child that is meant to be yours.

May God guide and bless you on your journey!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com

Practical Parenting: Solutions for Weary Parents

2009-09-02T14:16:00.002-05:00

Undoubtedly, becoming a parent is one of the most life amazing experiences. It can be exciting or disappointing, stressful or peaceful, rewarding or depressing, encouraging or overwhelming. Most parents will experience all of these emotions at one time or another. Several years ago I heard a child psychologist say something like, “It is not a matter of if your child will disappoint you or get into trouble, but it is a matter of when. You need to have some kind of a plan in place when your child comes home with unpleasant news.” He was encouraging parents to have a game plan in place for several different scenarios, so that the parents would hopefully be able to handle the stress of the situation more effectively. So was he saying that we should not expect the best from our kids, or that we should lower our standards so that we are not turned upside down when bad things happen? On the contrary! He was just trying to offer parents tools to help handle the stresses of parenthood.

Who couldn’t use some great parenting tools? I know I could. I have been a parent now for twenty years. I am still learning and growing. I have also found that what worked with one child does not always work with another. My husband and I sometimes feel like we keep hitting the same speed bumps with our kids. We truly get weary at times and it can be really hard to look outside of our situation to find healthy solutions to the issues that we are dealing with. Having a child with special needs that affects his social skills and tolerance for others brings an extra level of stress to our family life.

You may have heard it said before that “kids don’t come with an owner’s manual.” While this is absolutely true, there are also opportunities for parents to gain knowledge and insight for more effective parenting. Because Dillon International has always had a long term commitment to families by providing opportunities for parenting education and growth, they will be hosting a new parenting series starting in September. The class series is called, “Practical Parenting: Solutions for Weary Parents”.

The class series is open to ALL PARENTS and a variety of parenting challenges will be discussed. The course will be facilitated by Rebecca Hackworth, LCSW, and will include a combination of instruction from a DVD parenting series and a question-and-answer time. According to Ms. Hackworth, “We’re going to talk about attachment, about how the fears of children affect their behaviors, and some parenting methods that promote security and positive connections for children. It’s not a class limited to adoptive families or foster families. It’s for any parent who wants to handle behavior issues their child may be exhibiting in a more healthy manner.”

The classes begin next Thursday, September 10th from 6:30 PM - 8:30 PM and will go for 12 weeks. Meet at the Dillon International office, 3227 E. 31st St., Suite 200, in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The fee for the course is $15/session or $120 for the entire series; however, Dillon International families will receive a special discount of $10/session or $60 for the entire series. Please call 918-994-7945 to register or for additional information.

If you live in the Tulsa area, I would encourage you to make plans to attend this class series. I believe that it will be a priceless investment for your family.

Have a blessed week!

Cherri
cherri@dillonadopt.com